Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk

A dark coming-of-age comedy that goes behind closed doors into the rarely-glimpsed world of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Gabe is a teenage Jehovah's Witness convinced God is going to kill him at Armageddon for masturbating.

But Gabe's not alone: There's his best friend Peter, who writes obscenities in the margins of his Watchtower; Jin, the Korean kid in the congregation, who subsists on Ho Hos and Doritos; and Camille, who follows Gabe around, trying to be his girlfriend. When he falls in love with Jasmine, Camille's beautiful older sister, things only get more complicated.

Meanwhile, the adult world around him seems to be going from mildly absurd to full-blown dysfunctional. His dad is an elder in the congregation who decides the fate of sinners (like the married couple who confess to accidentally having anal sex), while his mother waits for happiness on the other side of Armaggedon.

Fearing eternal damnation and caught in the only belief system he has ever known, it is up to Gabe to find a path to romance, love, sanity, and something like happiness.

Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk is Tony's debut novel.

"I'll never slam the door on a Watchtower hopeful again without thinking of Tony DuShane's hilarious, original coming-of-age novel. Addictive, informative, heartbreaking, and utterly satisfying." Janet Fitch, author of White Oleander and Paint It Black

"[A]stonishing and hilarious, evoking shades of John Kennedy Toole and C.D. Payne...a sharp, new voice that's sure to be noticed; I have no doubt he'll garner fans fast." Katie Crouch, author of Girls in Trucks and Men and Dogs

"Tony DuShane's highly original novel lives at the fecund corner of religion and sex.... You'll pull for this most sympathetic hero and hope he finds a god of his own." Seth Greenland, author of Shining City and The Bones

Gabe is a teenage Jehovah's Witness who is convinced that God is going to kill him at Armageddon for masturbating. Life looks dreary until Gabe falls in love with Jasmine, and begins to see her as the answer to all his frustrations.

Gabe is a teenage Jehovahs Witness convinced God will kill him at Armageddon for masturbating. But Gabes not alone: theres Peter, who writes swear words in the margins of his papers; Jihyun, the Korean kid who subsists on Ho Hos and Doritos; and Camille, who follows Gabe around, trying to be his girlfriend. Theres also Gabes mom, who sleeps sixteen hours a day, and his dad, an elder who decides the fate of sinners (like the married couple who confesses to accidentally having anal sex). Theres Brother Miller, an elder with a Napoleon complex, who accompanies Gabe from door to door, encouraging him to knock with confidence, and Sister Feeney, who looks forward to the day she can move into a Spanish-style house after its owner dies at the end of the world. Luckily for Gabe, there is Uncle Jeff, who used to tour with Santana and now gives Gabe the only valuable girl advice he ever receives. It's hard when school days are spent dodging questions about your weird religion and weekends mean preaching house to house. Life looks dreary until Gabe falls for Camilles beautiful older sister and begins to see her as the answer to his frustrations.

Tony DuShane writes for the San Francisco Chronicle, Mother Jones, Crawdaddy, and other publications. He hosts the radio show Drinks with Tony, interviewing writers, musicians, and filmmakers. He lives in San Francisco.