Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships

The search for inner peace is often met with what seems like a conflicting path– the irresistible pull of love and connection with others to which we are drawn.

Reconciling these opposites, John Amodeo shows how spirituality and vibrant relationships are identical. He says that Buddhas concept of the root of suffering is misunderstood. It is not desire that causes suffering; desire is the fire that springs from the basic life force. Drawing upon the science of attachment theory, Amodeo illuminates how the root of our suffering is disconnection from ourselves and others, which is fueled by clinging to what doesn't serve us.

In a conversational tone, Amodeo presents relationship as sacred experience. He teaches how to welcome desire mindfully rather than suppress it and how to overcome fear of failure in relating. He also discusses meditation as self-intimacy and holding ourselves with loving-kindness. Lastly, he explores the role of community in spiritual awakening and the issue of whom to trust—our guru or ourselves?

Dancing with Fire by John Amodeo offers fresh takes on attachment, desire, longing, love, intimacy and spiritual meaning in relationships. --Frederic Brussat, Spirituality and Practice

DANCING WITH FIRE was an interesting read. It was about looking at past behaviors, explaining why we react to certain situations the way we do, and how to move forward. Recognizing the why was really important to me. I found myself reading certain sections and saying “hey that is me”. It also explains the difference between “religion” and “spirituality”, “flight and fight response”, etc. A lot of the information was based on Buddism and for me, this was distracting at times because I am not familiar with Buddism. Because of this, I found myself putting the book down frequently. Having said that, I did find it informative and I did learn how to recognize my behaviors. --MyBookAddictionReviews

Dancing With Fire is wise, integrated, life affirming, and practical. John invites us and accompanies us to discover a fully human, loving, spiritual maturity. -- Jack Kornfield, PhD, best-selling author of A Path With Heart

A fresh and lucid voice in our emerging Western spirituality, John Amodeo offers a powerful synthesis of Buddhist teachings with attachment theory and the best of Western psychological understanding. Particularly compelling and promising is the weaving of Focusing—a body-oriented psychotherapy developed by Eugene Gendlin—with mindfulness meditation. Through this, and deep insights into the nature of relationships, Dancing with Fire gives us invaluable guidance in cultivating true intimacy with our lives. -- Tara Brach, PhD, best-selling author of Radical Acceptance

Dancing with Fire is more than a self-help book. It seeks to adapt contemplative practice to the proclivities of the Western mind by teaching us how to "be" in this world, but not of it.--Thom F. Cavalli, Quest Magazine

Brilliantly bridges the chasm between the stillness of meditation and the fierce passion and challenge of intimate relationships. John Amodeo heals the apparent rift, showing us how these are ultimately one and the same path. -- Peter A. Levine PhD, best-selling author of Waking the Tiger

In this book John Amodeo opens a new door into great truths of Buddhism and what they mean for our western world. He links meditation, mindfulness, humanistic psychology and the science of human bonding into a coherent whole. This book is a great contribution and a must read for every intelligent person who aspires to live as an awake and vibrant human being. -- Susan M. Johnson, EdD, author of Hold Me Tight

With heartfelt kindness and down-to-earth usefulness, this book shows how to bring together lofty spiritual wisdom and juicy human passions. Drawing on his deep experience as a therapist and meditator, Dr. Amodeo has given us one of those rare books that actually bridges left and right brain, west and east, flesh and spirit - and self and other. -- Rick Hanson, PhD, best-selling author of Buddha's Brain

If there was ever a book to guide us in the pursuit of "daily life as spiritual practice," this is it. In his clear, heartfelt, and entertaining style, John Amodeo shows us how to bring mindful, loving attention to all aspects of our personal and interpersonal life--especially the painful or difficult aspects. He shows how the practice of seeing, feeling, and embracing the suppressed or wounded parts of ourselves creates a sense of empathy and unity with other humans and with all of Life. -- Susan Campbell, PhD, author of Getting Real

John Amodeo has written an extremely compelling and fascinating book and one that has been long overdue. He clearly illuminates the lack of any contradiction between practicing mindful living and creating intimacy in one's relationships. His distinction between the extinguishing of desires and attachments and working skillfully with them is incredibly important and offers a clear path toward living life with engagement and open-heartedness. -- Charlie Bloom, co-author of 101 Things I Wish I knew When I Got Married

Profoundly wise and beautifully written, this book is for anyone who ever wondered how to reconcile the spiritual journey with the paths of self-healing and intimacy with others. A life-changing book. -- Ann Weiser Cornell, PhD, author of The Power of Focusing

With masterful, lucid simplicity, Dancing with Fire gives us a vision of how to make a fervent quest for spiritual freedom dovetail with an equally ardent search for love and intimate connection. Amodeo has created a founding treatise for the new, embodied wholeness so many of us yearn to find today. Yet reading it doesn't feel like listening to a sage give a lecture; it feels like you're having a conversation with a trusted friend. -- Saniel Bonder, author of Healing the Spirit/Matter Split

Blending mindfulness with contemporary psychology, Amodeo brings what often remains lofty conversation into our kitchens and bedrooms. He shows how meditative awareness can help us develop more vital relationships while helping us embody spiritual realization more fully in everyday life. The writing style is warm and inviting, like having a conversation with a wise and gentle friend. This book is wonderful contribution to the emerging relationship yoga of the West. -- Jett Psaris, PhD, co-author of Undefended Love

Dancing with Fire talks straight from the heart with compassion, wisdom, and courage. Whether you see yourself as nurtured by spiritual practice or psychological growth, read on and your heart will be touched, your mind opened. I highly recommend this fine book as an important guide for all those who seek genuine happiness and greater awareness. -- Charles Garfield, author of Sometimes My Heart Goes Numb

John Amodeos brilliantly written, incisive, and heart-centered book provides a multi-layered in-depth journey demonstrating why we need both spiritual teachings on mindfulness and Western approaches, like Focusing and Emotionally Focused Therapy, to truly live an awakened, embodied life of sacred intimacy within oneself, relationships, and life itself! -- Laury Rappaport, PhD, author of Focusing-Oriented Art Therapy

Liberation and awakening are about being fully human. Spiritual awakening, personal growth, being a healing presence for others, fulfillment through intimacy—these are all just different names for the same thing. The fact that a split has developed—many splits, in fact—between therapy, spirituality, and personal growth is a sign that something has gone wrong. There has to be a re-integration. This book is an important landmark on the path to such wholeness. --- David Brazier, author of The Feeling Buddha

This book is a masterful, sensitive, and heartfelt reflection on the valuable contributions available in the teachings on mindfulness in the Buddhist tradition, placed into rich and dynamic dialogue with the equally significant insights coming forth from the field of attachment theory and Sue Johnsons practical work on repairing and enhancing intimacy and connection in human relationships. -- Harvey B. Aronson, PhD, LMFT, author of Buddhist Practice on Western Ground

Brilliant, liberating, clarifying wisdom for meditators of every persuasion! One of the most helpful books ever written on spiritual practice. -- Deborah Boyar, PhD, Senior Teacher, Waking Down in Mutuality and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Dancing with Fire is a beautifully-written, lucid, and honest account of how to merge a feeling-based intimacy with authentic spirituality. I've been a reader of John Amodeo's work for a long time, and he is simply one of the best at what he does: blending Buddhism and psychotherapy with wisdom gleaned from thirty years of clinical practice and life experience, all mixed in with a healthy dose of levity. -- Jim Dreaver, author of The Way of Harmony

Seekers of the sacred will find within these pages no ordinary wedding of East and West. Instead, John Amodeo invites us to reconcile the split between our worldly desire for intimacy and pleasure with our yearning for a robust spiritual life. His own tender voice seeps through each page--guiding us like a beacon of light toward a deeper, juicier connection with ourselves and each other, inspiring a passionate spirituality. John's best book yet! -- Maggie Kline, MFT, co-author of Trauma through a Child's Eyes

A bold adaptation of Eastern spirituality to bring about loving, intimate connections. -- Daniel B. Wile, PhD, author of After the Fight

Dancing With Fire is such a delight to read! Writing with a tender heart and deep wisdom, John reveals the missing link between spirituality and relationships. This book is a bridge between Jack Kornfelds A Path With Heart—a Buddhist approach to transformation—and Susan Johnsons book Hold Me Tight —revealing how relationships can help us awaken spiritually and how spirituality can help our relationships. It is a treasure map to the middle way, to be read many times. A great book for therapists, meditators and anyone who wants a better life and better relationships. -- Sheila Rubin, LMFT, RDT/BCT, co-creator of Healing Shame Workshops, adjunct faculty, JFK University

A coherent, intelligent, loving book that weaves Eastern spirituality with our need for deep, loving personal relationships—showing how a spiritual path toward awakening and the path toward fulfilling, intimate connections can nourish and support each other. -- Bret Lyon, PhD, Co-Creator of Healing Shame Workshops