Synopses & Reviews
The Tool Kit No Relationship Should Be WithoutLong-term happiness in love depends on a couples ability to repair the inevitable rifts and differences, large and small, that occur in any relationship. Neuroscience suggests that relationship upsets are best mended quickly, or they accumulate in long-term memory, increase reactive communication, and become harder to repair successfully. And good repair takes five minutes or less! This book offers practical tools and suggested scripts for resolving problems and having your needs met. Following its guidance, you can turn difficulties into opportunities to foster love, trust, and thriving intimacy.
Review
Shows us how to approach differences with openhearted listening and vulnerable truth telling...If you read and work with the practices offered here, you have everything you need to create a secure, lasting bond with your partner.”
— Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles™
Using the case of a typical couple in trouble as their starting point, John Grey and Susan Campbell walk you through a sequential set of techniques based on neuroscience and attachment theory....Their work here is inventive, inspiring, and well worth the read.”
— Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, author of Wired for Love
Drs. Campbell and Grey have created a terrific guide for therapists as well as for couples working on their own. So many couples suffer unnecessarily with conflict, and here is an excellent resource for going straight to the vulnerable truth, rather than staying in old reactive patterns. I am recommending it to the couples in my counseling practice.”
— Linda Bloom, LCSW, coauthor of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married
Synopsis
Successful relationships arent problem-free; theyre problem-savvy. Campbell and Grey show how those in long, happy partnerships repair upsets skillfully and quickly. After explaining in easy to understand language how those in intimate relationship get triggered” by their partner, the authors take readers through a series of exercises that build communication skills, foster empathy, and reprogram reactive habits. Sample scripts guide partners to quickly get to the root of any upset. Equipped with new insight, partners learn to customize their own repair process. The result is a toolkit” no couple should be without.
About the Author
Susan Campbell, PhD, has worked for many years as a relationship coach and a teamwork consultant to Fortune 500 companies. She has appeared on numerous television shows, including
Good Morning Amercia, and been featured in numerous magazines, including
Shape, Cosmo, and
Good Housekeeping. She is the author of six previous books, including
The Couples' Journey, Beyond the Power Struggle, Getting Real, Saying What's Real, and
Truth In Dating. She offers workshops on dating and relationship throughout the United States. She lives in Sonoma County, CA.
John Grey, PhD, is a therapist and relationship expert. He has worked with private clients and offered workshops on relationship repair for many years, and contributes blogs to popular websites, including Psychology Today. He lives in Sonoma County, CA.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Alarm That Hijacks Your Love
Chapter 2: Install a Pause Button
Chapter 3: Calm Your Overactivated Nervous System
Chapter 4: The Power of Frequent Coregulation
Chapter 5: Your Brain Makes Up Stories That Trigger You
Chapter 6: Secure versus Insecure Relating: From Infancy to Adulthood
Chapter 7: Take Stock of How You Communicate
Chapter 8: Whats Ringing Your Alarm?
Chapter 9: Agree to Stop Scaring Each Other
Chapter 10: Quickly Repair Any Relationship Rupture
Chapter 11: Clear the Air on a Regular Basis
Chapter 12: The Power of Vulnerability: Relating Instead of Controlling
Chapter 13: Real Intimacy in the Bedroom
Chapter 14: Sense, Feel, and Deeply Heal
Chapter 15: Compassionate Self-Inquiry for Inner Healing
Chapter 16: Make a Plan for a Secure Partnership
Appendix A: The Five-Minute Repair Process
Appendix B: Reference Lists of Reactive Cycle Elements
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Authors