Its Not You 27 Wrong Reasons Youre Single

If you're single but searching, there's no end of explanations, excuses, and criticism you'll hear to explain why you're single. Even the most self-possessed singleton may come to doubt herself.

“Youre too picky. Just find a good-enough guy and youll be fine.”

“Youre too desperate. If men think you need them, theyll run scared.”

“Youre too independent. Smart, ambitious women always have a harder time finding mates.”

“You have low self-esteem. You cant love someone else until youve learned to love yourself.”

“Youre too needy. You cant be happy in a relationship until youve learned to be happy on your own.”

Its Not You is structured around the many messages that singles, especially single women, get about who they are and who theyre supposed to be. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with single women, Eckel creates a strong argument for why you should love yourself as you are--no change necessary. By debunking the myths that have kept single women doubting themselves, Eckel encourages singles to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them, as they begin to understand and accept theres no one reason theyre single--they just are.

Why am I still single?
If you re single and searching, there s no end to other people s explanations, excuses, and criticism explaining why you haven t found a partner:
You re too picky. Just find a good-enough guy and you ll be fine.
You re too desperate. If men think you need them, they ll run scared.
You re too independent. Smart, ambitious women always have a harder time finding mates.
You have low self-esteem. You can t love someone else until you ve learned to love yourself.
You re too needy. You can t be happy in a relationship until you ve learned to be happy on your own.
Based on one of the most popular Modern Love columns of the last decade, Sara Eckel s It s Not You challenges these myths, encouraging singletons to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with people who have experienced longtime singledom, Eckel creates a strong and empowering argument to understand and accept that there s no one reason why you re single you just are."

Sara Eckel has been a freelance writer for more than fifteen years. Her essays and reported pieces on personal growth and mental wellness have appeared in The New York Times, Salon, Nerve, Glamour, Self, Redbook, Cosmopolitan, Forbes, Martha Stewart Living, The Village Voice, Time Out New York, and many other publications. Her short fiction has been published in Speakeasy and Sanskrit. For five years, she wrote a nationally syndicated opinion column on political issues that appeared in more than 200 daily newspapers. She has been awarded writing residencies at the Ucross Foundation, the Millay Colony for the Arts, and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, as well as grants from The Hershey Family Foundation and the Jerome Foundation.