As someone who stares at a blinking cursor for a living, I'm not accustomed to seeing myself. Okay, that's not entirely accurate. I constantly check how I look in the mirror, my rampant narcissism tempered by insecurities bordering on
body dysmorphic disorder. In other words, I have no idea what I really look like.
So imagine my shock when I watched myself on AM Northwest yesterday. Actually, you don't have to imagine because I'm going to tell you. That's what blogs are for ? to provide more than you want to know. Forget the Information Age, we're living in the Too Much Information Age.
Anyway, while I was relieved that I managed to speak in complete sentences, all I could think was "What's up with that vein in my neck?" and "Why didn't I trim the hair on my chinny-chin-chin?"
So, after visiting KBOO for my second interview of the day (where I made up the word "relevatory" ? aka "revelatory"), I decided to take my five o'clock shadow to Chopperz, the "non-salon men's grooming lounge," for an old-school straight razor shave.
The thought terrified me, which is why I did it. Part of my year-long quest to do something new every day has involved things which scare me; that's why I wore a python as a boa, held a tarantula, and wore four-inch stilettos.
But none of those put me in danger of having my throat slit.
Chopperz is designed specifically for "retrosexuals," offering sports on hi-def plasma TVs at each station, as well as a selection of microbrews and specialty cocktails.
I understand why they serve booze. While men have shaved with straight razors for centuries, Rebecca, the pretty, twenty-something stylist with the sparkly makeup, certainly hasn't.
Since I don't drink, Rebecca put me at ease with various lotions and hot towels.
But once she came at me with the blade, all I could think of was blood gushing from that ropey vein in my neck.
In that vein ? pun intended ? I asked Rebecca whether she'd seen the Tim Burton film of Sweeney Todd.
"It made me cringe," she said.
"It was pretty gory," I agreed.
"No, not that," she said. "Johnny Depp's shaving technique was all wrong."
Maybe that's why so many writers subscribe to the Hemingway and Bukowski school of personal hygiene.