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Why the French Revolution Would Beat the American Revolution in a Fight

by Matt Stewart, July 12, 2010 10:37 AM
Bonjour! I'm Matt Stewart, and I'm honored to be your cruise director this week on the Powell's Books blog. I'm here because I wrote a novel — out this week — called The French Revolution. Many people reasonably assume it's a dry, doorstop history loaded with French witticisms and long-winded summary and a dominant tone of snootiness.

Au contraire! It's actually a San Francisco family saga loosely structured on the historical French Revolution. I've created an autocratic, out-of-touch monarchical matriarch; angry, violent "rabble"; a Napoleonic figure, who meets his demise at a proverbial Waterloo; and literary guillotines galore.

Most Americans don't know a whole lot about the French Revolution aside from "Let them eat cake," Les Miserables, and the iconic image of the guillotine. However, when you take a look at the all the crazy stories, it's clear the French Revolution is a pretty spectacular historical event, well worth an allegorical tale.

For a better understanding of just how awesome the French Revolution was, I've created a handy breakdown comparing the landmark French upheaval against its impressive (and personally beneficial) American forerunner. Please bear in mind the unscientific nature of this comparison, noting my obvious French Revolution bias and how I've been inundated with American Revolution propaganda my entire life.

Official Breakdown — French Revolution v. American Revolution

Events:

· French Revolution: Storming the Bastille Prison, executions of Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI, Waterloo, thousands of public guillotine executions.

· American Revolution: Shot heard round the world, Paul Revere's ride, crossing the Delaware River.

· Winner: French Revolution. Easy call. Killing a monarch alone would do it, but throw in a multinational battle against one of the most successful generals in history and bloody public killings and the deal is sealed. A tough river crossing and a horse ride through town are important American symbols, but relatively innocuous. Also, King George III was not harmed in the making of America; tell that to Louis XVI.

People:

· French Revolution: Queen Marie Antoinette, publicly executed; King Louis XVI, of the infamous Bourbon dynasty; Robespierre and Marat, bloodthirsty revolutionaries; Napoleon, one of the best generals in world history.

· American Revolution: George Washington, one of America's greatest generals and presidents; Founding Fathers ad infinitum; King George III.

· Winner: Tie. Colorful characters everywhere you look — it was a wonderful time to revolt.

Slogan:

· French Revolution: Liberte, Fraternite, Egalite.

· American Revolution: Give me Liberty, or give me death!

· Winner: American Revolution. Patrick Henry's quote gives me chills just reading the Wikipedia article.

Intangibles:

· French Revolution: Ended the Bourbon monarchy; perpetuated liberal democracies and republics; kickstarted secularism; a spectacularly cinematic affair loaded with drama, infighting, backstabbing, and general insanity.

· American Revolution: Installed the world's first modern democracy; began unraveling the British Empire.

· Winner: French Revolution, and it's close. But don't forget the French LIVED in the same place as their oppressor — it's a lot easier to throw a revolt with a 4,000-mile buffer zone. Also, the French had to unlearn monarchical habits that were centuries old; the Americans could start completely fresh. But the biggest difference for me involves style points — where, as usual, the French cleaned up. Guillotines beat a fife and drum corps any day of the week.

Overall Winner: The French Revolution

I'm looking forward to some feisty disagreements in the comments.




Books mentioned in this post

Les Miserables

Victor Hugo

The French Revolution

Stewart, Matt
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15 Responses to "Why the French Revolution Would Beat the American Revolution in a Fight"

J Neither October 11, 2010 at 06:06 PM
David O clearly wins this argument, however he forgets to mention the negatives of the American Revolution. There are many historians that say they have no choice but to view what the early American federal government did to Native Americans as anything less than genocide. I believe many Native Americans also share this viewpoint.

Stephilius July 30, 2010 at 10:41 AM
Sincere, yes, I assume so. But the suggestion that everyone who finds any fault with this country and praises another should just take up and move there is on a par with that nonsense little children say to each other, "If you love [...] so much, why don't you marry it?!" Sincere and simple-minded. We have real problems in this country and it's our right - and our duty - to speak up and try to make it better. It's not un-patriotic to look to other countries and see what they do better. And, yes, it just might be possible that someone else does it better than we do. The French are also thinner than us. But maybe that's just my "opinion".

Mark Garvas July 29, 2010 at 09:37 AM
Stephilius, thank you. I always appreciate it when opinions are countered by more opinions that are presented as indisputable fact. You win. As for Diane, I'm being quite sincere. If she hates the U.S. so much and loves France, what is she doing here and not there? If there was any other place I wanted to live in the world, I'd live there and not gripe about where I'm "stuck".

Stephilius July 27, 2010 at 09:28 PM
Oh, and they manage to keep church and state separate. Something we say we do and - totally - don't.

Stephilius July 27, 2010 at 06:57 PM
There's enough xenophobia to go around, folks. While madame Rios' statement may be a bit too "blanket" - and I don't think I'd agree that all the little French people are "happy" - one can't really make much of an argument against her saying that generally the French eat better, are better educated, and are more stylish. (Their cheese IS better, most of our cheese DOES suck.) They also have respect for art and history. And they preserve and honor what they have; they're not the disposable society we are. And you'd never hear the sort of bald-faced rudeness that Diane overheard at the supermarket. It's funny that American tourists always whine that the Parisians, particularly (though they extend the stereotype to the whole country), are so rude. It's because Americans, in general, are unable to see or admit that - as a nation, as a culture - we're loud and disrespectful, and we're intolerant and disdainful of difference. And other nations and cultures - understandably - react badly to that. We truly believe we're better than anyone else (note the two previous comments) but, because we're so insecure, when anyone challenges our presumption of superiority, we feel the need to ridicule them. Childish.

Dan July 27, 2010 at 09:27 AM
Insert inappropriate remark concerning Diane's comment here. D. Kuczynski is correct about Thomas Paine and our influence on the French.

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