Synopses & Reviews
Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, Henry Owings brings music fans The Rock Bible
— an insider's guide to living the rock 'n' roll dream. This hilarious rulebook is full of dos and don'ts for musicians, wannabe musicians, and rock fans of all ages.
Here's what The Rock Bible has to say about:
Singers: "When you feel like stage-diving, make sure the people in the front row like your music enough to catch you."
Backstage antics: "Couches at rock clubs have never been cleaned. Think of the crazy things that have been done on these couches, and then proceed at great personal risk."
Lifestyle: "If you want to die while in a famous rock band, there are four options. 1. Suicide. 2. Car or plane crash. 3. Drug overdose. 4. Murdered by a crazy relative. Just pick one and stick with it."
Complete with faux-biblical illustrations and parables and essays from comedian Patton Oswalt, drummer Brian Teasley, and professional smartass Andrew Earles, The Rock Bible is a rude and raunchy look at the best and worst of rock 'n' roll.
Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, Chunklet
magazine presents you with The Rock Bible
--the complete rules for living an authentic life of rock 'n' roll. Here are hundreds of wise and witty guidelines for
Drummers: "If you're one of those drummers who sets up at the front of the stage, back the hell up. You are the goalies of rock; play your position."
Singers: "When you feel like stage-diving, first make sure the people in the front like your music enough to catch you."
Guitarists: "No one's looking at your guitar strap. Don't ever spend more than the cost of an average meal on something that can be replaced by a particularly hearty piece of string."
Keyboardists: "There's only one person who will look more ridiculous and offensive in leather pants than the lead singer: the keyboard player."
Onstage Antics: "Being wasted onstage works for only about 5 percent of bands, and yours isn't one of them."
Fans: "Fans that dress like the band are just asking to be pummeled. If you want to be in the band that badly, you might as well bring your gear to the show and play along from the audience."
And unholy words on much, much more.
About the Author
Grammy Award winner Henry Owings is the publisher of Chunklet magazine, a no-holds-barred chronicle of the music industry. At various times a DJ, promoter, record producer, and booking agent, Owings has toured with rock bands for nearly a decade.