Chapter One
England, 1919
Portis House emerged from the fog as we approached, showing itself slowly as a long, low shadow. I leaned my temple against the window of the motorcar and tried to make it out in the fading light.
The driver watched me crane my neck. Thats it, for certain,” he said. No chance of confusion. Theres nothing else around here.”
I continued to stare. I could barely see cornices now, the slender flutes of Grecian columns just visible in the gloom. A wide, cool portico, and behind it ivy climbing walls of pale Georgian stone. The edges faded in the mist, as if an artists thumb had blurred them.
A good spot, it is,” the driver went on. My silence seemed to make him uncomfortable, had done so for miles. That is, for what they use it for. I wouldnt live here myself.” He adjusted the cap on his salt-and-pepper head, then stroked a thorny finger through his beard. Tables low here, so it gets wet. These fogs come off the water. It all ices over terrible in winter.”
I pulled away from the window and tilted my head back against the seat, watching through the front windscreen as the house came closer. We jolted over the long, muddy drive. Then why,” I asked, is it a good spot?”
He paused in surprise. I tried to remember when Id spoken last since Id hired him at the train station, and couldnt. Well, for those fellows, of course,” he said after a moment. The mad ones. Keeps em away from everyone, doesnt it? And the bridge from the mainland means theyve nowhere to go.”
It was true. The bridge was long and narrow, exposed to the wind that had buffeted us mercilessly as we navigated its length. Any man who attempted to reach the mainland on foot would be risking his neck. I wondered whether anyone had tried and fallen to his death in the churning ocean below. I opened my mouth to ask, then shut it again.
The driver seemed not to notice. It wasnt built as a hospital, you see. Thats what I mean. It was built as a home, and not too long ago, either. Twenty years, give or take. Family named Gersbach, with children, too. God knows how they did it out here. Four hours on the train from Newcastle on Tyne to town, and then over that bridge. No place for a child, I say. No one saw them much, and no wonderit was all they could do to get supplies from the mainland, and they never could keep servants for long. I guess theres no explaining the rich. They left during the war. I hear they were standoffish folk. Typical for Germans.”
We were drawing up to the house now, and he steered the motorcar around the drive, headed for the front portico. We circled a stone fountain in the center of the lawn, unused, sitting dry and stained in an empty garden bed. Patches of mist moved across it, sliding soundlessly over the sad-eyed carved Mary as she opened her blessing arms over the empty basin, blank-faced cherubs flanking her on either side.
You mustnt worry.” The driver stopped the motor before the front steps. Its remotethats certainbut Ive never heard of anyone being mistreated at the hospital. Your fellow is probably just fine. Itll be too late for me to come back tonight, but theyve nice guest rooms here, for family. Ill just come by tomorrow morning, then, shall I?”
I looked at him for a moment before I realized he thought I was a visitor. Im staying,” I said.
For a second his eyebrows flew upward, as if Id said I was checking myself in. Then they lowered in consternation. A nurse? I thought” His gaze flicked to the rear compartment, where my valise lay. It was small enough to be an overnight bag. When he looked back at me, I met his eyes and watched him understand that the valise contained everything I owned.
Well,” he said. The silence sat between us for a moment. Ill just get your bag for you, then.”
He got out of the car, and I opened my door before he could come round, pulling myself from the painfully hard seat. He flapped his hands in frustration and retrieved my small bag. Be careful,” he said as he handed it to me, his friendly tone gone. These are madmen, you know. Brutes, some of them. Youre just a tiny thing. Young, too. I had no idea you were coming to nurse, or I would have said. Most of them dont last. Its too lonely.”
I handed him payment, the last money I owned. Lonely is what I want.”
I get called out here to pick the girls up sometimes when they leave. Theyre quiet as ghosts, and we never see the nurses in town. Maybe theyre not allowed. Im not even certain they get leave.”
I dont need leave.”
What kind of nurse doesnt need leave?”
Now he sounded almost annoyed. I turned away and started up the steps.
Its just you dont seem the type,” he called after me.
I turned back. You neednt worry about me.” I thought for a moment. It isnt a German name, Gersbach,” I said to his upturned face. Its Swiss.” I glanced past his shoulder to the fountain again, at Marys slender, draped shoulders, her elegant arms. Then I climbed the steps toward the front doors of Portis House.
Katharine Weekes.” The woman glanced through the papers in her hand, shuffling them deftly through her long fingers, the corners of her mouth turned down in concentration.
Kitty,” I said.
She glanced sharply up at me. We were in a makeshift office where perhaps the butler or the housekeeper had once sat, tucked in the back of the building, the room furnished with only a scabbed old desk and a mismatched wooden filing cabinet. Out the window, the fog drifted by.
She was a tall woman, with square shoulders, her hair cut in a blunt fringe that was almost mannish. She wore a thick cardigan over her uniform and a pair of half-glasses that she didnt bother to use dangled on a chain around her neck. The white cap she wore seemed out of place and almost ridiculous on her head. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. You will not be called Kitty,” she said. You will be Nurse Weekes. I am the Matron here, Mrs. Hilder. You will call me Matron.”
I filed this piece of information away. It was stupid, but I would need it. Yes, Matron.”
Her eyes narrowed again. Even when I tried, I had never had an easy time sounding obedient, and something must have slipped through my tone. Matron would be one of those women who never missed a hint of insolence. It says here,” she continued a moment later, that you come from Belling Wood Hospital in London, where you worked for a year.”
Yes, Matron.”
Its a difficult hospital, Belling Wood. A lot of casualties came through there. A great many challenging cases.”
I nodded mutely. How did she know? How could she know?
We usually prefer more experienced nurses, but as you were at Belling Wood, its to be assumed your skills are higher than would strictly be required here at Portis.”
Im sure it will be fine,” I murmured. I had carefully placed my hands on the lap of my thick skirt, and I kept my eyes trained on them. I wore my only pair of gloves. I hated gloves, but I hated the sight of my hands even more. At least the gloves hid the scar that traveled from the soft web between my thumb and fingers down to the base of my wrist.
Are you?” Mrs. HilderMatronasked. Something about the careful neutrality of her tone set a pulse of panic pumping in the back of my throat.
I risked a glimpse up at her. She was regarding me steadily from behind a gaze that gave nothing away. I would have to say something. I quickly searched my memory.
Belling Wood was exhausting,” I said. I was hardly ever home. I began to think I couldnt really make a difference.” Yes, this I remembered hearing. I was tired of casualty cases, and I had heard of Portis House by reputation.”
A bit thick, perhaps, but I felt it had been called for. Matrons expression didnt change. Portis has no reputation,” she said without inflection. We opened only last year.”
I hear that the patients are very well treated,” I said. Also true, even if I had heard it only from the taxi driver twenty minutes earlier.
Theyre treated as well as they can be,” she replied. You also have a letter of reference here from Gertrude Morris, Belling Woods head nurse.”
I watched her extract the page and read it carefully. Her eyes traveled down the handwritten paper, then up again. Sweat beaded on my forehead.
It was a lie, all of it. Id never set foot in Belling Wood. My London flatmate, Alison, had worked there, and in her few hours home between shifts, shed told exhausted stories of what it was like. It sounded like hard work, but hard work didnt bother me, and I wanted a job. Washing bandages and emptying a few bedpans didnt seem like much compared to the factory work Id been doing, and when I was let go, I found myself with no way to pay my half of the rent.
Allyd had two nursing friends over one night, and as I sat in my tiny bedroom, I listened through the thin walls to their talk. One had a pamphlet from Portis House advertising for nurses and was thinking of applying. She was sick of London and the work sounded easyjust a few shell-shocked men, if you please, far from the blood and the vomit and the influenza in the city. But the others said the place was so far away shed likely go mad. Besides, rumor had it Portis House couldnt keep staff past a few weeks, though no one could say why, and it was desperate for girls. Who wanted to give up a good London job and go all that way to a place that couldnt keep nurses? Best, all the girls agreed, to stay in London and hope for a promotionor, even better, a husband.
Id sat on my thin bed listening, hugging my knees, my heart pounding in excitement as theyd tossed the idea away, and after they left Id fished the pamphlet from the trash bin. It was the perfect solution. A far-distant place, desperate for girls, and all Id have to do was wait on a handful of soldiers. Id sent off an application claiming Allys experience as mine, complete with a letter of reference from the head nurse. Ally had talked about her often enough; it was simple to change my handwriting and use the womans name. Who would check too closely in these days of chaos, with the war just over?
Id received a reply within a few daysan acceptance sight unseen, accompanied by travel instructions. Id told Ally a made-up story about getting another factory job and packed my bag, leaving her none the wiser. If it doesnt harm anyone, Id always thought, its fair game.
Matron folded the paper again and put it on the desk. The pulse of fear in my throat slowed.
This all seems in order,” she said.
I swallowed and nodded.
Conditions here can be challenging,” she went on, and our location is isolated. It isnt easy work. We have a hard time getting girls to stay.”
Ill stay.”
Yes,” she said. You likely will.” She tilted her head and regarded me. Because Gertrude Morris happens to be my second cousin, and that isnt her handwriting at all.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. No. No. I”
Be quiet.” Her voice was kept even, and her eyelids drooped over her eyes for a brief moment in what almost seemed an expression of triumph. I should not only turn you away, I should report you to Mr. Deighton, the owner. A word from him to your next employer and youd be out on the streets.”
But you brought me all the way here.” I tried to speak calmly, not to sound shrill, but it came out a croak. You cant just turn me away. Why did you bring me here?”
I didnt. Mr. Deighton did. I was away for several days, and your application fell to him. Believe me, if hed waited to seek my counsel, none of this would be happening.” She sounded a little disgusted, as if the slight was a frequent one. But now its done.”
What did that mean? I waited.
Matron leaned back in her chair and examined me. How old are you?” she asked.
Twenty.”
Have you had measles?”
Yes.”
Chicken pox?”
Yes.”
Do you have varicose veins?”
No.”
Susceptible to infection?”
Ive never been sick a day in my life.”
Are you capable of holding down a man who is thrashing and calling you names?”
Steady. She was trying to throw me, but I wouldnt let her. I dont know about the thrashing, but Ive been called every name in the book and then some.”
She sighed. You seem awfully confident. You shouldnt be. Youre a pert one, too, and dont think I cant tell. I dont care for your attitude.” She glanced down at the papers before her again, then back at me, and now her jaw was set. I dont know what youre up to, Miss Weekes, and I dont care to know. As it happens, Im in dire need of a nurse. I havent been able to keep a girl past three weeks, and its put the work far behind. Frankly, Im about to lose my position over it.”
I blinked. I hadnt expected candor. Ill stay,” I said again.
Ill thank you to remember that, and not come crying to me.”
I dont come crying to anyone.”
You say that now. Another thingI keep rules here at Portis House. Show respect to myself, to the doctors, and to Mr. Deighton when he comes for inspection. Cleanliness and neatness at all times. Always wear your uniform. Shifts are of sixteen hours duration, with two hours of leisure time in the early afternoon, and one weeks night shift per month. You get a half day off every four weeks only, and no other leave will be given. Curfew is strictly enforced, and no fraternizing with the men. Breaking the rules is grounds for immediate dismissal. Do I make myself clear? And for the last time, youre to call me Matron.”
I couldnt believe that this was happening, that I would be staying. That my wild plan had worked. This place is perfectso perfect. Ill never be found. Yes, Matron.”
I will not discuss your background, or lack of it, with anyone for now. But you are expected to perform all the duties of a nurse, to the level of your fellow nurses. How you do that is your problem. Is this fully understood?”
Yes, Matron.”
Fine, then. Ill have Nurse Fellows show you around the place.” She stood.
I stood as well, but I didnt follow her to the door.
Well?” she said irritably when she opened the door and turned back to see me standing there. What is it?”
Why?” I said. Why did you accept me, really? You dont like me at all. Why didnt you turn me away?”
I could see her deciding whether to answer, but her distaste for me won out and she went ahead. Very well. Because I think the only girls who will stay here will be the ones who have nowhere else to go,” she said bluntly. Normal girls havent worked, but someone desperate might do.” She shrugged. And now Ive found you.” She turned to the open doorway. Nurse Fellows, please show Nurse Weekes to her quarters.”