Synopses & Reviews
When you kill yourself, you kill every memory everyone has of you. You're saying "I'm gone and you can't even be sure who it is that's gone, because you never knew me." Sixteen years ago, Joan Wickersham's father shot himself in the head. The father she loved would never have killed himself, and yet he had. His death made a mystery of his entire life. Using an index that most formal and orderly of structures Wickersham explores this chaotic and incomprehensible reality. Every bit of family history marriage, parents, business failures and every encounter with friends, doctors, and other survivors exposes another facet of elusive truth.
Dark, funny, sad, and gripping, at once a philosophical and deeply personal exploration, The Suicide Index is, finally, a daughter's anguished, loving elegy to her father.
Review
"[G]ems of true insight and lovely prose....[B]eautifully written and haunts the reader long after it's closed. Recommended." Library Journal
Review
"In this harrowing, beautifully written memoir, Joan Wickersham tries to understand the forces that drove her father to take his own life. Part detective story, part anguished examination of a family, she traces the myriad repercussions suicide has not only on the future but also on the past. And she has created the perfect form in which to stage her inquiry. A powerful, important book." Abigail Thomas, author of Three Dog Life
Synopsis
Sixteen years ago, Wickersham's father's suicide made a mystery of his entire life. Using an index that most formal and orderly of structures the author explores this chaotic and incomprehensible reality.
About the Author
Joan Wickersham is the author of the novel The Paper Anniversary. Her work has appeared in the Best American Short Stories series. An excerpt from The Suicide Index earned her the 2007 Ploughshares Cohen Award for Best Short Story. She lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Table of Contents
THE SUICIDE INDEX
Suicide:
act of
attempt to imagine, 14
bare-bones account, 56
immediate aftermath, 734
anger about, 35
attitude toward
his, 3642
mine, 43
belief that change of scene might unlock emotion concerning, 4447
day after
brothers appearance, 4853
concern that he will be viewed differently now, 5455
"little room" discussion with his business partner, 5658
search warrant, 5960
speculation relating to bulge, 6166
deviation from chronological narrative of, 6771
factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on
expensive good time, 7287
Suicide:
factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on (cont.)
pots of money, 88102
uneasy problem of blame, 103104
finding some humor in
ashes, 105
Valentines Day, 106
glimpses of his character relevant to, 107115
information from his brother sparked by, 116123
intrafamilial relationships reexamined in light of
Munich, 124138
my grandmother, 139151
items found in my husbands closet and, 152156
life summarized in an attempt to illuminate, 157195
numbness and
Bullwinkle, 196198
chicken pox, 199200
duration, 201
food, 202203
husband, 204206
psychiatric response, 207211
various reprieves, 212213
opposing versions of, 214215
other peoples stories concerning, 216223
other shoe and, 224228
Suicide: (cont.)
philosophical conundrums stemming from
first, 229
second, 230
possible ways to talk to a child about
family tree, 231233
full disclosure, 234235
not yet, 236237
rational approach, 238242
weapons god, 243246
psychiatry as an indirect means of addressing, 247255
psychological impact of, 256273
readings in the literature of, 274277
romances of mother in years following, 278296
"things" folder and, 297301
thoughts on method of, 302304
where I am now, 305316
Exclusive Essay
Read an exclusive essay by Joan Wickersham