Altars have always been special places to me. In Bethel African Methodist Episcopal Church in De Land, Florida, where I grew up, there was a small, simple altar in front of the pulpit. On the first Sunday of each month, the altar, draped in white, held bright silver communion trays of bread and wine. We approached and knelt at the altar to receive the holy sacrament from the minister. This ritual act emphasized the holiness of this place. We respected it.
Another altar that comes to mind is at Talladega College in Alabama, where I went to school. On the floor of the library is a mosaic of the insurgent Amistad slave ship. The revolt led to a lengthy trial that freed the Africans. We honored its legacy by not walking upon the ship's mosaic likeness. By this act of respect, we made it an altar.
An altar is a sacred place for reflection, self-examination, and renewal. Altars provide a refuge, offering safety and solace while we explore the spirit within us.
Many of us have meaningful objects in our homesthat serve as spiritual offerings. When we group them in a special place we create an altar. I have my altar in my bedroom, covered with many articles, each with a story or memory. A strip of kente reminds me of a dear departed friend; seashells remind me of a memorable beach sunset. A purple glass pyramid graces my altar, along with a special doll given to me as an award. Altars can be created any place in the home. We anoint a space and declare it sacred. In creating an altar, we are only limited by our minds.
An altar of words provides an opportunity to create a verbal sacred space. Our close examination and reflection transforms words into objects with significance and meaning that can be placed on the altar. Words are powerful. They express our feelings, evoke emotions, and give voice to our experiences. Each word summons a different experience or possibility.
Love forms the foundation of the altar. The presence of love allows us to be present and experience all emotions.
When we build an altar of words, we create a sanctuary in the mind that prepares us for meditation and reflection. As you examine each word in the safety of your thoughts, think about how the word applies to your life and your reality. These thoughts give you permission to make changes or accept present realities. A verbal altar provides you with guidance directed by your inner spirit and healing energy.
Each of us progresses along the road of life differently. Build your altar following the cadence of your heart and soul. Some words may take a day to reflect upon, while others will take longer. You can determine how much time is needed to spend with your inner self. This book is my altar. It is the pulse of my heart and soul. My thoughts, experiences, and life lessons are my gifts to you and the universe.
Choice
Reproductive freedom and choice loom heavily in the psyche of American society. Political pressure is placed on a woman who exercises her right to choose whether or not to bear children, and very little interest or support is offered to her in the implementation of her decision.
Making a decision to bear a child means a lifetime commitment to providing emotional, financial, and spiritual support for the child. Families need to have support to rear healthy children. Parenting is our most important job, and the future depends on adequate parenting. Yet thousands of wanted Black babies die each year, simply because our society, with its advanced technological health care system, cannot provide the basic needs to families that will ensure that these wanted children can thrive and survive. Black infant mortality in the United States is more of a social problem than a medical problem. Social support could go a long way toward helping these families rear the children they have chosen to bear.
Support is also needed for women and their families who choose not to bear children. The decision to have an abortion can be a difficult one, and while it might be the best option, that doesn't make it less difficult. Some women will experience emotional pain after they have made this decision, and they should be encouraged to heal and not be made to feel guilty about exercising their reproductive choice.
For almost half of my life, I have worked to ensure a woman's right to have reproductive choices. In the early days, I did not understand that abortion was so prevalent in the African American community. I became involved because of the large numbers of African American women who were dying from self-induced and illegal abortions. I was shocked to learn that Black women seek this service in disproportionate numbers. I learned that women make decisions based on the reality of their life situations, and their decision will vary depending on what is happening in their lives.
As I became involved with establishing a birthing center, I gained a different kind of respect for reproductive choice. It was a wonderful opportunity to work with families who were excited about their upcoming births and to share the zest with which they embraced pregnancy, childbearing, and child-rearing. Many were transformed by this highly spiritual experience. They were ready to contribute to humanity.
Choice is a cornerstone of our society. We claim pride in our abilities to make decisions about our lives. When women make reproductive choices they learn the power and control choice gives them in all areas of their lives. Reproductive choice provides control, builds self-esteem and confidence, and should not be taken for granted.
As you place choice on the altar, think about the value of choice in your life.
I value my right to make choices and respect the rights of others.
"It is the ability to choose which makes us human."
--Madeleine L'Engle, Reflections on Faith and Art (1980)
Sisternomics
My friend Anna works as a maid in a downtown office building. She cleans and dusts the desks of college-educated men and women, notes their comings and goings, and hears of their promotions. Anna has also sent her four children to college with little financial aid, a lot of courage, and endless faith in them and herself. Many women with more do a lot less.
Sister Akua coined the term "sisternomics" to refer to the skills of women like Anna who do big things with little money. In earlier times these women, in addition to a day's work, took in washing and ironing to make extra money. Somehow they figure out how to manage their money and take advantage of opportunities presented by the universe.
A way out of nowhere, making a lot out of a little, establishing priorities, combining discipline, wisdom, and faith. Silent prayers are constantly uttered for strength and guidance, always looking forward to a better day. This dedication promotes healing, energizes the soul, and lifts our spirit. Mothers can realize their dreams through their children's accomplishments and provide the welcomed amen, so be it, axÚ.
As you place sisternomics on the altar, say a prayer of thanksgiving for all of the women who made sacrifices so you could have a better day.
I am powerful and completely capable of setting a goal and reaching it.
"The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose."
--Heda Bejar, Peacemaking: Day by Day, vol. 2 (1989)
Solitude
Solitude is an adult word. You need a certain amount of security to be able to put yourself in solitude. It's easy to confuse solitude with being alone, which terrifies most of us. The fear of being alone keeps us from taking time just to be quiet. We need to have the television or stereo on, even though we are not listening most of the time. It feels as if we are afraid of ourselves or what we might learn about our being.
I am envious of people who are able to give themselves a period of solitude. Just say no to the rest of the world for a period of time, take off, and go someplace to be quiet and alone. Solitude is self-imposed; no one but you decides how the time is spent. It has to be healing just to get away from the e-mail, snail mail, faxes, telephones, voice mail, and other people's demands.
Nature gives us gifts of solitude that we can only hear when we allow ourselves to be quiet and in touch with the universe. It feels good to think about nothing sometimes.
Solitude is about cleaning out the cobwebs of your mind. It takes time and courage to go into the corners of your psyche and disentangle the confusion there. Solitude gives you time to engage in discovery and healing. Be serious,make and take time, do the work, and grow from the experience. You are awonderful person to be alone with, so take time for solitude.
Place solitude on the altar knowing that it provides solace.
I am worthy of having time for solitude.
"Solitude, quality solitude, is an assertion of self-worth, because only in the stillness can we hear the truth of our own unique voices."
--Pearl Cleage
Strength
When I hear someone say that Black women are strong, the image that comes to my mind is of a large woman, carrying a large load on her head or back. This load can be anything: children, water, clothes, or other people's burdens. What I know is that this is just a stereotype, because underneath that load is a woman who is tired, a woman who is in need, and a woman who wants to be loved for who she is.
Sometimes when I am feeling especially put upon, I find it helpful to focus on the opposite of what I'm feeling. When I am having a cash flow problem, I focus on the things I am thankful for. It helps me make the decision to take steps to make sure this does not happen again. I gain inner strength from the lessons of adversity, believing that if I master this lesson I won't have to repeat it.
Tell me, what choice do we have other than being strong? Does it matter that we are tired of being strong, tired of needing to be strong? Most of us just want to sit down somewhere and be quiet, put the load down and never pick it up again.
Many of us perform daily as empty wells: we give and we give until we are empty. Create a wellspring of supportive love to help you replenish your well with nourishment and vigor. It is your responsibility to create your support systems by creating a safe place to exchange stories and energy with others. It is an affirming experience. Use your challenges as opportunity to grow.
You are strong and powerful.
As you place strength on the altar, connect with your inner confidence and endurance.
I recognize my own strength and am grateful for its ability to help me survive difficult times.
"Women are blessed with a jewel of strength that glows all the time."
--Judith Jamison
Will
When my friend Mamie was ninety-six years old, I agreed to take her from Boston to New Hampshire and Vermont to visit her granddaughter and her father's home place. Once she and I were in the car, I realized the responsibility I had assumed for such an elderly and vulnerable person. When I get upset while driving, I immediately get lost; this happens even on familiar roads. Of course, I took the wrong highway to New Hampshire and a routine two-and-a-half hour drive took nearly six hours. Mamie, however, was delighted. She loved the tour and as she recognized the towns she said, "I'm so excited, I thought I would never see this part of the world again." I relaxed and started enjoying the scenery and my incredible passenger.
Mamie was full of stories, most of them funny. She told me about the time her mother was to visit her in Concord, New Hampshire. She got a phone call from her mother stating that she was in Concord, and Mamie was puzzled. "Are you in New Hampshire already?" "No," her mother said, "I'm in Concord, Massachusetts. Are you in New Hampshire?" Disgusted with public transportation, Mamie's mother took a taxi to Concord, New Hampshire--over ninety miles away.
In the middle of the trip I realized I was riding with history when Mamie looked casually out of the window and said, "A lot has changed in ninety-six years." I asked her what was her secret to a long life, and she said she loved her independence and she took her medicine every night. As we approached the New Hampshire border we saw a state liquor store, and she said, "This is where I get my medicine." I saw her independence and will as I helped her get out of the car so she could make her own purchases. In the liquor store people looked at her with admiration and amazement.
We arrived at her granddaughter's home in the midst of the first snowfall of the year. Mamie was amused at my delight with the snow and told me she had seen hundreds of snowfalls. We visited her father's home place in Windsor, Vermont, as she told us stories about her visits over ninety years ago.
I learned so much about willpower that weekend, from watching her climb three floors, resting on each floor, so she could see her granddaughter's bedroom. Her will to live her life as she wanted to (with respect) was evident. She endured mistreatment by caretakers who talked about her as if she were not there, and yet her strong will to live provided a lesson for us all.
As you place will on the altar, be in touch with your innermost desires and allow your willpower to encircle those desires.
I am powerful and feel connection to my inner will.
"Where there is a will, there is a way."
--Old saying
From the Trade Paperback edition.