Synopses & Reviews
andlt;Bandgt;Finally, a book for guys that solves the riddles of pregnancy.andlt;/Bandgt; andlt;BRandgt; Do you think that newborn babies can eat Doritos? That they can't scream very loudly since they just have tiny little baby lungs? That you will still be able to golf on weekends after your baby is born? andlt;BRandgt; If so, you need this book! andlt;BRandgt; andlt;Iandgt;Breatheandlt;/Iandgt; takes guys misstep-by-misstep through the stages of pregnancy and the early days of childhood. Considered by many to be the unofficial pregnancy handbook of the NBA, andlt;Iandgt;Breatheandlt;/Iandgt; is filled with useful tips such as these: andlt;BRandgt; andlt;bandgt;Brown's First Law of Conception:andlt;/bandgt; The odds of conception are inversely proportional to its desirability. High school virgins experimenting behind bleachers are guaranteed to get pregnant; financially secure married men hoping for children are doomed to spend their weekends in fertility clinics masturbating into cups. andlt;BRandgt; andlt;bandgt;Picking a doctor:andlt;/bandgt; Never use a gynecologist whose Medical School Diploma has palm trees on the side. andlt;BRandgt; andlt;bandgt;Pre-Natal Music:andlt;/bandgt; Mozart, yes. Wagner, No! andlt;BRandgt; andlt;bandgt;Common Concerns:andlt;/bandgt; If your baby is born with dark hair that covers its head, back, neck, temples and forehead, don't panic. This is perfectly normal. It just means your baby was born Italian. andlt;BRandgt; Child experts from all over the world agree -- if you're a first time father, drop your baby and pick up this book!
Synopsis
Finally, a book for guys that solves the riddles of pregnancy. Do you think that newborn babies can eat Doritos? That they can't scream very loudly since they just have tiny little baby lungs? That you will still be able to golf on weekends after your baby is born?
If so, you need this book!
Breathe takes guys misstep-by-misstep through the stages of pregnancy and the early days of childhood. Considered by many to be the unofficial pregnancy handbook of the NBA, Breathe is filled with useful tips such as these:
Brown's First Law of Conception: The odds of conception are inversely proportional to its desirability. High school virgins experimenting behind bleachers are guaranteed to get pregnant; financially secure married men hoping for children are doomed to spend their weekends in fertility clinics masturbating into cups.
Picking a doctor: Never use a gynecologist whose Medical School Diploma has palm trees on the side.
Pre-Natal Music: Mozart, yes. Wagner, No!
Common Concerns: If your baby is born with dark hair that covers its head, back, neck, temples and forehead, don't panic. This is perfectly normal. It just means your baby was born Italian.
Child experts from all over the world agree -- if you're a first time father, drop your baby and pick up this book!
About the Author
andlt;bandgt;Mason Brownandlt;/bandgt; is a managing editor at NationalLampoon.com. He is also the author of the bestselling business humor book andlt;Iandgt;Who Cut the Cheese?andlt;/Iandgt; He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, his three-year-old son, "the boy,"and a one-year-old daughter, "the girl."
Table of Contents
andlt;Bandgt;Contentsandlt;/Bandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Foreword: andlt;Iandgt;A Word from the Doctorandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Preface: andlt;Iandgt;A Word from the Authorandlt;/Iandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Introduction andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;PART I -- GETTING STARTEDandlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;ol type="1" start="1"andgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;On Deciding to Become a Father andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Trying to Get Pregnant andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Are You Pregnant? andlt;BRandgt;andlt;/olandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;PART II -- NINE MONTHS AND COUNTINGandlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;ol type="1" start="4"andgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Establishing Paternity andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Finances andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Choosing (and Working with) Your Practitioner andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Best Odds Diet for Men andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Prenatal Care andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Sex During Pregnancy andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;What's Going On in There? andlt;Iandgt;Understanding the Trimester Systemandlt;/Iandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Your Wife's Mental Changes Throughout Pregnancy andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Working Mother andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Gender Dilemma: andlt;Iandgt;Should You Find Out the Sex of Your Unborn Child?andlt;/Iandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Naming Your Baby andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Baby Shower andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Preparing the Baby's Room andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Birthing Classes andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;What to Bring to the Hospital andlt;BRandgt;andlt;/olandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;PART III -- D-DAY!! LABOR AND DELIVERYandlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;ol type="1" start="19"andgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Making the Decision to Go to the Hospital andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Driving to the Hospital andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;You Made It to the Hospital. andlt;Iandgt;Now What?andlt;/Iandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Final Push andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;C-Sections andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;It's A...live andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Picking a Room andlt;BRandgt;andlt;/olandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;PART IV -- AFTERBIRTHandlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;ol type="1" start="26"andgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Keep Baby Off the Grid!! andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The Great Circumcision Debate andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Other Body Modification Rituals andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;The First Days Home andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Postpartum Depression: andlt;Iandgt;Hers and Yoursandlt;/Iandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Birth Announcements andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Day Care Providers andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Television and the Younger Child andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Out with the Old, In with the New: andlt;Iandgt;The Second Babyandlt;/Iandgt; andlt;BRandgt;andlt;liandgt;Developmental Milestones andlt;BRandgt;andlt;/olandgt;andlt;BRandgt;andlt;BRandgt;Appendix: andlt;Iandgt;A List of Recommended Baby Booksandlt;/Iandgt;