Synopses & Reviews
Are you tired of the earnest advice in conventional parenting books? Do you want to know whats really in your future as a new parent? Scott Feschuk and Paul Mather both know, all too well, and are happy to tell you with their trademark irreverence what its really like to be a new parent.
For instance, they tell you that by nine months your baby will inevitably have missed several milestones, sending you into a complete panic. And sooner or later youll realize youre doing everything wrong. The solution is simple: just read a different childcare advice book. Also, if your child has not knocked over something expensive and nice by the age of three, this could be a sign that you dont have enough things that are expensive and nice. Did you know that a childs affection for a song is directly proportional to how severely it annoys his mother and father? And, believe it or not, experts estimate that by 2024, the cost of a drunken frat party at a typical postsecondary institution will be $575,000. You owe it to your child to start saving now!
Candid and comic, How Not to Completely Suck is a bundle of laughs for frazzled new parents and curious parents-to-be. The perfect gift for a shower or Mothers Day.
About the Author
Scott Feschuk former media columnist for the
National Post, is the author of
Searching For Michael Jacksons Nose. He is currently the prime ministers speech writer.
Paul Mather is half of the comedy duo Atomic Improv and writes for the hit television show The Monday Report with Rick Mercer.
Table of Contents
Introduction
The First Year:
Your Newborns Appearance
Setting Up the Nursery
The First Month of Life
Diapers
The Little Things
Resuming Sexual Relations After the Birth of Your Child
The Baby Reveal
Baby Monitors
Memories to Last a Lifetime
Baby Clothes
Signs You May Have Picked the Wrong Pediatrician
Parental Threat Level
Good Advice about Bad Advice
Getting Back into Shape
Travelling with
Money
Tit for Tat
Feeding Your Infant
Childprooffing Your Home
Questions, Questions
The Second Year
The Not-So-Newlywed Game
The Growth of a Toddler
Books
Talking to Your Child
Fun Activities You Can Do with a Toddler, and Why Theyre Not Fun
Family Dining
Christmas Specials
Signs You May Have Picked a Bad Daycare
Failed Childrens TV Shows
More Questions, Questions
The Third Year
The Outdoers
ABCs
Arrgh!: One Mans Story
Cartoon Violence
When I Was a Kid…
Midnights
Teaching Your Child to Think Creatively
Going Wiggly
How to Talk to Young Children about “Difficult”
Subjects: A Guest Chapter by Dr. Ben Agiter,
Child Psychologist
Jazzy and Gigi
Dangerously Sick of Winter
Soft Pants
Enough with the Questions, Already!
The Rest of Your Childs Life
Conclusion: What Does it Mean to Be a Parent?
Appendix One
Your Second Child
Appendix Two
Parenting 2015: A One-Act Play