Synopses & Reviews
1.A Personal Tale
This book was born from my very own saga. It has been a journey of transformation, from being single, to finding "the one," to marrying, to almost murdering, to almost divorcing, to learning to cope, to discovering a sense of empowerment, to finally being able to find fulfillment in loving a Divorced Man.
Before I knew it, I was in my mid-thirties. All my adult life, I worked diligently to accomplish my educational, career, and financial goals. I got an M.B.A.; I was a senior executive at a media company; and I purchased an apartment in New York City. Yes, things had finally fallen into place. At this stage of my life, I could honestly say that I was happy with myself. Even my mother and I finally agreed on something -- it was time for me to find a husband. I approached this mission in the same way I approached all my other personal successes: with a clear goal, a strategy, and a lot of passion.
The search was on. My initial survey of the available male landscape -- primarily formulated by going on lots of lousy dates and commiserating with other disgruntled single girlfriends -- concluded that at my age, two main groups prevailed: perpetual bachelors and divorcé s. At first, I beelined into the arms of thirty-five-plus-year-old bachelors, hoping that I would be the woman special enough to save them from their loner ways. What was I thinking?! As much as they tell you that they "want to settle down with the right woman," they actually would rather be pouncing on one unsuspecting female, then another. Years later, those very same bachelors are still toxically single. Take my advice and stay away.
Alas, given the paltry selection ofmarriage material out there, Divorced Men seemed to be the only viable prospects. I opened myself up to the inevitable. Then, as if right on cue, I promptly proceeded to fall in love with one. He was loving, intelligent, fun, and ready for commitment. After almost one year of courtship, we were ecstatically engaged. I was right on track in achieving my objective. Hey, Mom, I might get married after all!
Then I experienced a rude awakening and my plan nearly fell apart. When I read his divorce agreement, I almost called the wedding off. "You pay your X how much f***ing money per month?" My fiancé s seemingly ample income was more than halved by these payments and I quickly understood that our future together would similarly suffer. Meanwhile, his X had never worked a day in her adult life. It also seemed ludicrous that his ten-year-old son had an annual income from child-support payments that was higher than mine. To make matters worse, I noticed that the more intimate my man and I became, the more he felt the need to visit his X and kids in his old house -- even when they were not there. Did he miss his old cat, his room, his bed, his X? And why was she telephoning him with increasing frequency? More important, why was he taking her calls? What was going on?!
My angst propelled me to look for assistance in bookstores, but I found none. I felt too ashamed to discuss these financial inequities and my husband-to-be s bizarre behavior with anyone other than New York City cabbies. After all, I was supposed to be a blushing bride preparing for the most special day of my entire life. Who was I to complain? I soon realized that this was only the beginning and I was notsure I could handle what lay beyond. So much for plotting ahead.
Upon carefully weighing the pros and cons, I did decide to wed my Divorced Man after all. I determined that despite the monetary mess and emotional madness that came with his divorced life, he was the soulmate I had been searching for and I couldn t let him go. These first four married years have been the most blissful, yet frequently challenging -- okay, I will not lie to you, hellish -- I have ever had. The truth is that after we exchanged our nuptial vows, his irrational actions resulting from his divorce intensified. I felt like the loneliest newlywed who was ever carried across a threshold -- but my threshold was not the one transitioning me into the proverbial marital home, it was a threshold of rage.
After a tumultuous four years ofmarriage to my Divorced Man, our love is stronger than ever. It has been, and often continues to be, a painful voyage, but with our solid commitment to each other we now know how to work through his divorce-related issues. Whew! I never imagined I could ever say that. Against the disquieting odds that over 60 percent of second marriages fail due to the unresolved issues the remarried partner brings into the second marriage, we have survived. We are each other s one and only.
Had I been primed as to what to expect from my Divorced Man, had I known how to handle his divorce legacies more intelligently, I would have better managed my relationship from the start. Only then could I have guaranteed our love without enduring many precious years of emotional strain. If only I had known what you are about to know, Dear Reader, I would have been much better off and saved thousands of dollars in shrink bills. But then again, had I not gone through the journey with him, I could not have written "How to Marry a Divorced Man and you would not have benefited from the wisdom in this book.
Synopsis
You may not be his first wife -- but you want to be his last!
More than half of all American women between the ages of 18 and 54 will date or marry a divorced man during their lifetime.
Entering a relationship with any man is daunting. But entering one with a divorced man means navigating a host of new and complicated problems. Will remnants of his past -- his guilt, the X, their children, the financial and legal fallout -- wreak havoc on your sanity and finances and sabotage your quest for love? In this reassuring book, Leslie Fram combines fundamental wisdom, guerrilla tactics, and humor to inform and empower the millions of women who are dating divorcés -- and the many more who someday will.
About the Author
Leslie Fram has been an editor at Seventeen and Cosmopolitan, an executive at Hearst's website women.com, and a fashion designer for her own women's clothing company. She danced with the New York City Ballet before receiving her B.A. from Barnard College and her M.B.A. from Columbia University. She lives in northern California with her husband -- a divorced man -- and their child.