Seven years later
Seattle, Washington
Sophie
Our last night in Seattle didnt go so great.
My babysitter, my emergency backup sitter, and my second emergency backup sitter all had the flu. Id have been screwed if one of my new neighbors hadnt volunteered to keep an eye on Noah. I didnt really know her, but wed been living next to each other for a month and no red flags. Not the best, I know.
You do what you have to when youre a single mom.
Then Dick yelled at me for coming in late for my shift.
I didnt tell him Id nearly missed work altogether because of Noah. And no, Im not just calling him Dick because hes actually a dick (although he is). Its his real name.
That night I actually understood why he was in such a bad mood, because of the six girls who were supposed to be on, only two showed. Two had the flu (genuinehalf the city had it) and two had dates. Or Im assuming they had dates. Their official stories were a dead grandmother (her fifth) and an infected tattoo.
Apparently none of the drug stores in her neighborhood carried Bacitracin.
Either way, things fell to shit fast. We had a band, which put the customers in a good mood, but the live music and drunken dancing made it even harder to keep up with my tables. Also made us busier than usual. We wouldve been stretched even with a full staff. To make things perfect, it was a local band and most of their fans were college students, which meant crappy tips.
By eleven I was already tired and needed to pee in a bad way, so I ducked into the bathroom. Out of toilet paper already (of course), and I knew damned well nobody had time to restock. I pulled out my phone, doing a quick check for messages, and saw two. One from Miranda, my babysitter, and a second from Ruger, the worlds scariest almost-in-law.
Shit.
Miranda first. I held it to my ear and listened, hoping to hell everything was all right. No way Dick would let me off early, even for an emergency. Ruger could wait.
Mom, Im scared,” Noah said.
I froze.
I took Mirandas phone and Im hiding in the closet,” he continued. Theres a bad guy here and hes smoking inside and he wanted me to smoke, too, and they kept laughing at me. He tried to tickle me and make me sit on his lap. Now theyre watching a movie that has naked people in it and I dont like it. I dont want to be here and I want to go home. I want you to come home. I really need you. Right now.”
I heard his breath hitch, like he was crying but didnt want me to know, and then the message cut out.
I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to control my surge of adrenaline. I checked the time on the messagealmost forty-five minutes ago. My stomach twisted and for a second I thought I might puke. Then I pulled it together and left the bathroom. I managed to walk back into the bar and had Brett, the bartender, unlock the drawer where we kept our purses.
I need to get home, my kids in trouble. Tell Dick.”
With that I headed toward the door, pushing through drunken frat boys. I was almost out when someone grabbed my arm, spinning me around. My boss stood there, glaring.
Where the hell do you think youre going, Williams?”
Theres an emergency,” I told him. I need to go home.”
You leave me now with a crowd like this, dont come back,” Dick growled. I leaned forward and stared him down, which was pretty easy considering the guy was hardly more than five feet tall. On good days I thought of him as a hobbit.
Tonight he was just a troll.
I need to take care of my son,” I said coldly, using my deadliest troll-killing voice. Let go of my arm. Now. Im leaving.”
Driving home took at least a year.
I kept trying to call Miranda, but nobody answered. When I reached our ancient apartment building, I tore up the wooden stairs to the top floor, shaking with a weird mixture of rage and fear. Mirandas place was right across from my little studio, and while my thighs and calves hated the climb, I loved how we were the only residents up here. Until now.
Tonight it felt remote and scary.
I heard music and grunting as I pounded on the door. No answer. I pounded harder and wondered if Id have to break in. Then the door flew open. A tall guy with unbuttoned pants and no shirt blocked the entry. He had the start of a gut and bloodshot eyes. I smelled pot and booze.
Yeah?” he asked, swaying. I tried looking around him, but he blocked me.
My son, Noah, is here,” I said, struggling to stay calm and focus on what really counted. I could kill this asshole later. Im here to pick him up.”
Oh, yeah. Forgot about him. Cmon in.”
He stepped aside and I ducked past him. Mirandas place was a studio just like ours, so I shouldve seen Noah right away. Instead I spotted my useless neighbor on the couch, collapsed on her back with her eyes glazed and a dreamy smile on her face. Her clothes were rumpled, her long hippie skirt shoved up above her splayed knees. The phone lay on the coffee table in front of her, next to a bong made out of plastic pens, foil and a Mountain Dew bottle. Empties surrounded it, because apparently weed wasnt enough to keep her entertained while she failed to babysit my seven-year-old child.
Miranda, wheres Noah?” I demanded. She looked at me blankly.
How should I know?” she slurred.
Maybe he went outside,” the guy muttered, turning away from me as he reached into the fridge for another beer.
I caught my breath.
Across his back was a giant tattoo that looked kind of like Rugers, only it said Devils Jacks instead of Reapers. Motorcycle club. Bad news. Always bad, despite what Ruger insisted.
Id think about that later. Focus. I needed to find Noah.
Mama?”
His voice was soft and trembling. I looked around frantically, then saw him climbing in through an open window facing the street. Oh my God. I moved toward him, forcing myself to approach oh-so-carefully. Four flights above the ground and my boy was clinging to a windowsill. If I wasnt damned careful, Id knock him off the ledge.
I reached out and clamped my hands around his upper arms, pulling him in and clutching him close. He wrapped around me like a little monkey. I rubbed my hand up and down his back, whispering how much I loved him and promising never to leave him alone like that again.
I dont get what youre so upset about,” Miranda muttered, pulling herself up to make room for her asshole boyfriend. Theres a fire escape out there and its not like its cold. Its August. Kid was fine.”
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and forced myself to stay calm. Then I opened them and looked past her.
Thats when I saw the porn on the TV.
My eyes skittered away from the sight of a silicone woman screwing four guys simultaneously. Something terrible took fire in my heart.
Stupid bitch. Miranda would pay for this.
Whats your problem, anyway?” she slurred.
I didnt bother answering. I just needed to get my boy out of here and home safe. Id deal with my neighbor tomorrow.
Maybe by then Id have calmed down enough not to end her miserable life.
I carried Noah out of the apartment and across the hallway to my own door. Somehow I managed to get it open without dropping him, fingers trembling from suppressed rage and a health dose of guilt.
Id failed him.
My baby needed me, and instead of protecting him, Id left him parked with a druggie who couldve gotten him killed. Being a single mom sucked.
It took a warm bath, an hour of snuggles, and four books to get Noah to sleep.
Me? I wasnt sure Id ever sleep again.
The summer heat didnt helpI swear, the place had zero airflow. After an hour of sweating in the darkness, watching his little chest rise and fall, I gave up. I popped a beer and sat down on our couch, a thousand plans running through my head. First, Id kill Miranda. Then either I needed to find a new place to live or she did. I also pondered whether to call the cops.
I liked the idea of throwing her and her stoner boyfriend to the wolves. They deserved a friendly visit from the boys in blue.
But since her man was in a motorcycle club, calling the cops might not be the smartest move. Guys in MCs generally werent fond of the police, a perspective he and his club brothers might feel the need to share with me once he made bail. Not to mention Child Protective Services would get involved, which could also get pretty ugly.
I loved Noah and would do anything for him. I was a damned good mother. When other girls my age were out partying and having fun, I was taking him to the park and reading him stories. I spent my twenty-first birthday holding him while he puked from stomach flu instead of hitting the bars. No matter how rough things got, I spent time with Noah every day and made sure he felt loved.
But I didnt look so good on paper.
Single mom. Dad out of the picture. No family around, crappy studio apartment. Probably unemployed after tonight . . . What would CPS make of that? Would they blame me for leaving him with Miranda in the first place?
I had no idea what to do. I took a long pull on the beer and then turned on my phone, where Rugers message glowed at me accusingly. Crap. I hated calling him. No matter how much time he spent with us (and he made a point of seeing Noah regularly), I just couldnt relax around him. Ruger didnt like me and I knew it. I think he blamed me for destroying his relationship with Zach. God knows, I played my part. I pushed that memory away.
I always pushed that memory away.
If only I unnerved him, too, but apparently that was too much to ask. Instead he just looked right through me, hardly bothering to acknowledge my existence.
Even more frustrating? Ruger had to be the hottest guy Id ever met. He was all danger and hard muscles, with his tattoos and piercings and that goddamned black Harley of his. When he walked into a room he owned it, because it only took one look to see he was a fucking badass, the type who takes what he wants and never says hes sorry.
Id been nursing a hell of a crush on him for longer than I cared to acknowledge, something hed failed to notice despite his apparent fascination with every other woman under the age of forty within five hundred miles. Well, failed to notice all but once, and that hadnt exactly ended well.
At least he never brought any of his club whores around (which I greatly appreciated), but that didnt change the fact that he was one of the biggest sluts in north Idaho.
So thats where we stood.
Presented with my nonthreatening charms, the panhandles sexiest, most prolific man-whore still preferred hanging with my seven-year-old child during his visits.
I sighed and hit the play button.
Sophie, answer your fucking phone,” he said, his voice cold and unyielding, like usual. I just got a call from Noah. I talked to him for a while and tried to keep him calm, but then some bitch started yellin and took the phone away. Nobody answered when I called back. I dont know what the fuck youre thinking, but your kid needs you. Get off your ass and go get him. Now. I swear, if anything happens to him . . . You dont wanna go there, Sophie. Just fucking call me when you find him. No excuses.”
I dropped the phone and leaned forward on my knees, rubbing my temples with the tips of my fingers.
In addition to everything else, now I had to deal with Mr. Being-A-Biker-Isnt-A-Crime losing his shit on me. Which he would do, I had no doubt. Ruger was scary enough in a good mood. The one time Id seen him truly enraged still gave me nightmares, and thats not a figure of speech. Unfortunately, he had a point. When my son needed me, I hadnt answered the phone. Thank God Ruger had been there for Noah. But still . . . I really didnt want to deal with him right now, either.
I couldnt leave him hanging, though, worried about Noah all night. Hed called me a bitch the last time I saw him, and maybe he had a point, but I wasnt a big enough bitch to torture him like that. I hit the callback button.
He all right?” Ruger demanded, not bothering with a hello.
Ive got him and hes fine,” I said. I couldnt hear the phone ring at work, but I found his message and left about forty-five minutes later. Hes okay. We got lucky and nothing happened, not that I can tell.”
You sure that asshole didnt touch him?” Ruger asked.
Noah said he tried to tickle him and make him sit on his lap, but he ran away. They were completely cross-faded. I dont think they even noticed when he took off. He was hiding outside on the fire escape.”
Fuck . . .” Ruger said. He didnt sound happy. How high up was he?”
Four stories,” I said, closing my eyes in shame. Its a miracle he didnt fall.”
Okay, Im driving. Ill talk to you later. Dont fucking leave him alone again, or youll answer to me. You got that?”
Yeah,” I whispered. I hung up the phone and set it down on the table. The room felt stifling and I couldnt get enough air, so I crept softly across the floor to the window. The splintery wooden sash slid up with a groan and I leaned out, looking down at the street, sucking in the cool breeze. The bars had just emptied and people laughed outside, walking along like everything was fine and dandy.
What if I hadnt checked the voice mail? Would any of these happy drunks have looked up and seen a little boy clinging to the fire escape? What if hed fallen asleep out there?
Noah could be dead on that pavement right now.
I finished my beer and grabbed a second one, then sat on my ratty couch and pounded it. The last time I checked the clock, it said three a.m.