INTRODUCTION
Someone very clos e to you, right now, is either undergoing
treatment for breast cancer or has just been diagnosed. It
could be your wife, your mother, your sister, your daughter, your
girlfriend, your grandmother, your aunt, your cousin, your friend, or
your office mate. No matter who she is, she needs you. That’s why
you’re holding this book in your hands.
Every three minutes, a woman in the United States is told she
has breast cancer—over 184,000 in 2008. That translates to one in
every eight American women. Worldwide, approximately 1.2 million
cases of breast cancer were diagnosed in 2008, according to the
World Health Organization. There are currently over two million
breast cancer survivors living in the United States.
The Journal of Oncology Practice reported that cancer diagnoses will
increase significantly over the next twenty years, owing to the evergrowing
population of Americans sixty-five years and older, a number
expected to double between 2000 and 2030. The American Society of
Clinical Oncology has expressed concern that there is a critical shortage
of oncologists, despite the fact that there are over 25,000 practicing
members today. The National Cancer Institute (NCI) plans to add fifteen
more cancer centers across the country over the next five years to
bolster the sixty already in existence. TheNCI budget topped $5 billion.
For these reasons, and many more like them, Dr. Susan Love’s
Breast Book: 4th Edition, by Susan Love (Da Capo Press, 2005) is
the Amazon.com number-two best-seller on the subject of women’s
health. Yet there is not one comprehensive guidebook available
today that talks directly to men on what to do when the women in
their lives get breast cancer—until now, with Stand by Her.
This book is written for men who want to be there for their
loved ones when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. Stand by
Her provides strategies and guidance on the countless medical and
emotional minefields men face, every day, as husbands, fathers, sons,
brothers, cousins, friends, and coworkers of breast cancer patients.
Each chapter is a stage in the process, with its own unique color that
symbolizes the feelings you are having and will face.
Combining personal anecdotes (I have stood by four women who
went through this experience: my wife, my sister, my mom, and my
mom’s best friend) and the experiences of others, with information
from professionals in medical, psychological, family relationship, sexual,
and financial areas, Stand by Her is a step-by-step program targeted
to men who want to become invaluable caregivers for their
loved ones with breast cancer, while also helping men address and
overcome their personal fears, frustrations, and anxieties that are
caused by this disease. (All names other than the ones of those who
are part of my personal story have been changed to protect the privacy
of the patients and their loved ones.)
This book is just the beginning for caregivers, for there’s also
an accompanying website, www.standbyher.org, where readers
can share their experiences anonymously. Stand by Her is also for
breast cancer patients, for it offers women insights into the difficulties
and challenges that their caregivers will face during the
course of this disease; and it’s also helpful for breast surgeons,
oncologists, radiologists, nurses, and others among the support
staff who treat patients with this disease every day. Indeed, discussions
are currently under way with doctors and hospitals across
the country to find ways to integrate Stand by Her methods into
the breast cancer treatment system, so as to make caregivers a
greater part of the treatment process.
Chances are, you’ve just received the bad news. And you’ve got
a problem, a big problem: you have no idea what to do next. You
are about to be initiated into an exclusive men’s club, a group millions
strong of men who have traveled the difficult journey you are
about to undertake. Welcome to the Stand by Her brotherhood. We
begin with the first step: diagnosis.