Synopses & Reviews
"What the heck is my partner thinking?" is a common refrain in romantic relationships, and with good reason. Every person is wired for love differently, with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people's minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and rituals, making it possible to actually neurologically prime the brain for greater love and fewer conflicts.
Wired for Love is a complete insiders guide to understanding your partners brain and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust. Synthesizing research findings on how and why love lasts drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this book presents ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship.
Strengthen your relationship by:
- Creating and maintaining a safe couple bubble”
- Using morning and evening rituals to stay connected
- Learning to fight so that nobody loses
- Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved
By learning to use simple gestures and words, readers can learn to put out emotional fires and help their partners feel more safe and secure. The no-fault view of conflict in this book encourages readers to move past a "warring brain" mentality and toward a more cooperative "loving brain" understanding of the relationship. This book is essential reading for couples and others interested in understanding the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships.
While theres no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you can discover how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences to create a lasting intimate connection.
Review
The war of the sexes is historical, and methods of creating peace are plentiful, but few work well. In
The Women's Guide to How Men Think, the author, a man, offers women a code to male thinking that could bring an end to this war, if embraced. Readable, practical, and wise, I recommend this book to all women who want to understand men and to all men who would like a better understanding of themselves.”
Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want and coauthor of Making Marriage Simple
If you are lost in translation when you are trying to communicate with your man, this is the go-to guide for you. Smith provides a wonderfully clear understanding of the relational disconnect that plagues many relationships. In reader-friendly language, he presents sound and positive strategies to help struggling couples. It is an invaluable resource!”
Carolyn Daitch, PhD, author of Anxious in Love
At first glance, A Womans Guide to How Men Think suggests a twenty-first century version of John Grays classic, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; however, rather than focus on men at their worst, Shawn Smith writes about what he terms good men. As a therapist who promotes secure-functioning relationships, I find his premisethat there are men willing and able to love and commit in relationshipsrefreshing. Readers of both genders should find this book sheds new light on many of the age-old dilemmas of pair bonding.”
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT
Review
Shawn Smiths book is not only notable for its helpful contents, but also for the way in which he opens his heart and mind as an authentic, personal ambassador of the good men he represents. In every chapter he gently but firmly builds upon his basic premises: women can master the tools to get more of what they need from their men, guys are relatively easy to love if women dont expect them to be like them, and women and men need each others core contributions if they want to create the ultimate fulfillment each of them deserves. In a unique blend of substantial research, humor, and a strong conviction in what he believes in, Smith delivers his story in a manner that is easy to embrace.”
Randi Gunther, PhD, author of Relationship Saboteurs
Review
We have always known that men and women think differently, and now that difference is brought to light in an uplifting, easy-to-read guide to understanding how the male mind actually works. Smith has given women the gift of how to really get to know the man they love, and how to love him more.”
Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of The Happy Couple
Review
Shawn Smith has written a powerful primer for modern women who have not been schooled in gender differences.
The Womans Guide to How Men Think takes a gentle approach to helping women understand what makes men tickwhich will, in turn, help women find the love they seek.”
Suzanne Venker, author and cultural critic
Review
Shawn Smiths book provides a wonderful service in helping women understand men. He weaves together research, clinical experience, and personal experience in a clear, accessible way. I will recommend this book to clients and students, as he is able to highlight the influence of gender without stereotyping or being simplistic. Smith shows us how to avoid the trap of resentment that comes with misunderstanding, and gives thoughtful and practical examples that can improve relationships.”
Shelly Smith-Acuña, PhD, author of Systems Theory in Action and dean of the graduate school of professional psychology at the University of Denver
Review
I cant think of another self-help book Ive enjoyed reading so much. Its rare to find one that is not only scientifically-based and incredibly practical, but also laced with humor. Chocablock full of fascinating insights into male psychology, this book provides an honest, realistic, and effective pathway for improving and enriching your closest relationships.”
Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap
Review
"Shawn Smith does not apologize for male traits, nor does he try to change them. Instead, he reveals what they mean to women who want a better relationship with the man who possesses those traits. This book walks female readers through the male mind, and helps them understand how to be more empathetic and connected to the man they love. This book teaches that mens behavior and love is not better or worse, just different. Acknowledging the difference is what makes this guide a gem.”
Helen Smith, PhD, author of Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dreamand Why It Matters and forensic psychologist in Knoxville, TN
Review
Smith is a brilliant writer who explains the mysteries of the male mind with intelligence, compassion, and humor. His well-researched book is a compelling guide that provides a better understanding of men and will result in improved relationships. This is a must-read for every woman.”
Michelle Skeen, PsyD, radio show host and author of The Critical Partner
Review
“This book is grounded in the latest brain science, as well as being wonderfully friendly, encouraging, and practical. It shows readers how to stay out of dead-end conflicts and instead light up the neural circuits of empathy, skillful communication, and love. A marvelous resource.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain
Review
“I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it that I can use as a therapist. Stan Tatkin is a great innovator. This book is a must for every couples’ therapist’s library.”
—John Gottman, author of The Science of Trust
Review
“If you feel lost, confused or alone in your relationship, get this book right now. You will finally make sense out of chaos and pain. This is your map to go from frustration and insecurity to realize the potential of why you initially got together. Stan Tatkin’s insightful book will teach you to work as a team to make your relationship journey safe, engaging, and deeply satisfying.”
—Peter Pearson, PhD, couples therapy specialist and cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA
Review
“Stan Tatkin shows how our couple relationships would look if we took seriously what attachment theory and neuroscience research has taught us.”
—Dan Wile, author of After the Honeymoon
Review
“Wired for Love challenges partners to experience their relationship in a totally new way. Partners will learn how to engage positively as a couple to help each other feel safe and secure by following the relationship exercises suggested in this exciting new book. In clear, concise language, Tatkin describes the ways that partners can understand and become experts on one another. He suggests building a “couple bubble” wherein each partner is the most important person in the other’s life, the one individual on whom the partner can always count.”
—Marion F. Solomon, director of clinical training at Lifespan Learning Institute and author of Narcissism and Intimacy, Lean on Me, and other books
Review
“Read this book to discover a multitude of new ways to enliven your relationship and end needless conflicts. Stan Tatkin is one of the most innovative thinkers in the couples relationship world today. It's impossible to read this book without learning new patterns to enhance your love.”
—Ellyn Bader, PhD, cocreator of the developmental model of couples therapy, codirector of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA, and author of Tell Me No Lies and In Quest of the Mythical Mate
Review
“Reading Stan Tatkin’s book makes you want to be in therapy with him. With intense and fearless clarity, he takes you into the trenches of the combative human brain and shows you how to make love, not war.”
—Esther Perel, LMFT, author of Mating in Captivity
Review
“You’ve been using the tool between your ears your whole life, but how often have you considered what it is and what it is good for? No user’s manual came with it, but this book helps make up for that shipping mistake. You would not use your dishwasher without cracking the manual. Come on. Time to take a look!”
—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, Foundation Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada and author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life
Review
Barton Goldsmith has provided couples with a step-by-step guide to a healthy relationship. All couples, reading the short chapters and doing the explicit and powerful exercises, save, deepen and transform their relationship. I recommend it for all couples.
—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and coauthor of Receiving Love
Review
… I found this book to contain a great deal of wisdom, which is made easily accessible to the reader. I have experienced fifty wonderful years of married life and so know the practical steps to emotional fitness for couples shared here are of great value.
—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Prescriptions for Living and 365 Prescriptions for the Soul
Review
This book has some very good ideas on how couples can stop their anger at each other and live more successfully together.
—Albert Ellis, Ph.D., noted psychologist and author of A Guide to Rational Living
Review
Bull's-eye! Like a Zen archer, Barton Goldsmith releases an arrow into the very center of intimacy. And like a Zen monk he writes with a disarming charm and graceful elegance, creating a book that is fun, funny, yet penetratingly wise. My advice is simple - Read it.
—Shawn Christopher Shea, MD, author of Happiness Is and Psychiatric Interviewing: the Art of Understanding
Review
Goldsmith is the BEST natural born therapist I have ever met. I thoroughly enjoy working with him.
—David Viscott, MD, TV and radio talk show host and author of The Making of a Psychiatrist
Review
Goldsmith's articles and books on relationships are right on the mark.
—Edward M. Hallowell, MD, author of Driven from Distraction, Dare to Forgive, and Delivered from Distraction
Review
I can HONESTLY say that Goldsmiths's book is outstanding-a really terrific combination of good bedside manner, useful and practical information, and common sense.
—Anne Sheffield, award winning author of Depression Fallout and How You Can Survive When They're Depressed
Review
At last a book that not only guides the reader when it comes to successful relationships but shows us the value of emotional fitness: communication, nurturance and constancy, in partnering. By subscribing to Goldsmith's theory and practice, couples will end up with a more satisfying connection and a better sense of each other's needs, as well as their own.
—Susan Shapiro Barash, author of The New Wife: The Evolving Role of the American Wife
Review
Love is all you need-but, you also need a well-written, easy-to-follow roadmap to the heartland. Renown relationship guru Barton Goldsmith has provided this map in Emotional Fitness. It is your guidebook to revitalizing your relationship.
—Jeffrey K. Zeig, Ph.D., director of the Milton Erickson Foundation and organizer of the Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference
Review
In Emotional Fitness for Couples, Goldsmith helps couples become proactive in their relationships by using easy to follow exercises and practical advice that allows them to enhance their interactions and their love.
—Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, author of Love Is Letting Go of Fear
Synopsis
Finally, the secrets of the elusive male mind are revealed. In this practical and humorous guide, psychologist Shawn Smith offers an inside look at that age-old conundrumwhat is he thinking? Frustrated women will learn why men see the world the way they do, and will walk away with solid tips for cultivating understanding and communication in their relationships. This isnt a book about how men should be more like women. This is a book about how men actually are, and how women can use this understanding to get the love and commitment they want.
Synopsis
Comedian George Carlin once said, Women are from earth. Men are from earth. Just deal with it.” Though witty, this sentiment fails to recognize one of the real truths in life: that both genders are completely mystified by one another, and often have a mile-long list of complaints for the opposite sex. Yet, generally speaking, both men and women want to get alongespecially if theres romance involved.
A Womans Guide to How Men Think offers a practical, humorous, yet compassionate guide for women who want to learn the secrets of the elusive male mind. With author Shawn Smiths trademark humor, youll come to understand why men think and see the world the way they do, and how to work with men to cultivate understanding and communication in relationships, without expecting men to be creatures that they are not. This isnt a male-bashing book about how men should be more like women, but a book about how men actually are, and how women can use this understanding to get what they need from their relationships.
Youll also learn why men often feel frustrated and criticized, how to deal with lack of communication in ways that dont put men on the defensive, and how being curious and compassionate (while not accepting disrespectful or abusive behavior) instead of dismissing men for their inherently male traits can lead to greater understanding between the sexes.
The plain truth is that both men and women are from planet earth. But that doesnt mean we are the same. If you are looking for an insiders guide to the ever-elusive male mind, this is the book for you.
The author, Shawn Smith, is a psychotherapist with a blog at ironshrink.com.
Synopsis
Wired for Love offers couples principles from attachment theory and cognitive neuroscience to help them nurture the ìcouple bubbleî and learn to please and soothe their partners. Readers also discover effective nonverbal communication skills, techniques for quickly resolving common pitfalls and conflicts, and easy ways to increase feelings of comfort and security.
Synopsis
Based in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and written by a clinical psychologist and popular blogger, The User's Guide to the Human Mind is a quirky and informative pocket guide to understanding and overriding our natural neuroses, psychoses, and other seldom useful, always tiresome antics of the human brain.
Synopsis
Your mind is not built to make you happy; it’s built to help you survive. So far, it’s done a great job! But in the process, it may have developed some bad habits, like avoiding new experiences or scrounging around for problems where none exist. Is it any wonder that worry, bad moods, and self-critical thoughts so often get in the way of enjoying life?
Based in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), The User’s Guide to the Human Mind is a road map to the puzzling inner workings of the human mind, replete with exercises for overriding the mind’s natural impulses toward worry, self-criticism, and fear, and helpful tips for acting in the service of your values and emotional well-being—even when your mind has other plans.
- Find out how your mind tries to limit your behavior and your potential
- Discover how pessimism functions as your mind’s error management system
- Learn why you shouldn’t believe everything you think
- Overrule your thoughts and feelings and take charge of your mind and your life
Synopsis
A nationally recognized expert and radio personality offers a unique 10 minute a day program for helping couples exercise and tone their emotional skills, resolve problems, increase intimacy, have better sex, and cope honestly with anger and hurt.
Synopsis
The 10-Minute Relationship Workout
Peak athletic performance requires regular exercise, and a great relationship depends on regular emotional practice to stay in top form. Don't wait for a crisis to make you scramble to save your relationship. Start building emotional fitness today! Emotional Fitness for Couples is a collection of simple tips that will energize you and hone your relationship skills to championship levels-in just ten minutes a day.
Topics include: what the word 'love' really means; how to start fires in your sex life; how to date your mate; tricks for stopping an argument before it starts; and many other fun and practical ideas for getting emotionally fit.
About the Author
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT is the author of Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and Love and War in Intimate Relationships. He has a clinical practice in Southern California, teaches at Kaiser Permanente, and is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA. Tatkin developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT®) and together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, founded the PACT Institute.Harville Hendrix, PhD, is co-creator of Imago relationship therapy, and is known internationally for his work with couples. Hendrix is also the author of the New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find.