Synopses & Reviews
College student Bec is dangerously adrift. Self-conscious and increasingly uncertain about her long-term plans, she's studying a major that no longer interests her and is caught up in a bewildering affair with a married professor. In an impulsive attempt to redeem herself, she answers a want ad seeking a caregiver.
What she finds is a wealthy, cultivated woman in her midthirties. Once an advertising executive, accomplished chef, and skilled decorator, Kate is now in the advanced stages of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). She and her husband, Evan, handle their situation with mordant humor, careful planning, and a lot of determination. Yet while Bec perceives the couple as charmingly frank and good-humored, strains exist beneath the surface.
Bec is soon a vital part of her employer's household, and their increasing closeness transforms both women's lives and their relationships. The more she acts on Kate's behalf, the further Bec strays from her stringent comfort zone. She performs every task, from the most administrative to the most intimate, and she translates Kate's speech for strangers, friends, and even family. Sometimes enthusiastically, sometimes reluctantly, Bec advances further and further into Kate's world, surprised by her own increasing dedication and ease. But how closely can Bec intertwine her own life with Kate's?
The two confront their obstacles unsentimentally, with dark humor and unflinching candor, as their relationship is slowly stripped of pretense. Honesty becomes their touchstone: They may find humor in the most devastating moments, but they won't pretend to believe in silver linings that don't exist. With crystal clarity, debut author Michelle Wildgen has crafted a deeply affecting novel about the singular relationship between two women, balancing humor and regret, sensuality and necessity, and testing the outer limits of friendship.
Review
"Michelle Wildgen's novel You Are Not You is so skillfully rendered that it's hard to believe it is a first novel. The character of Bec, a twentysomething who has a habit of falling into things jobs, love affairs is funny, completely unsentimental, and really great for a reader to hang around with. Her worldview and how it changes when she goes to work for Kate, a refined woman in her thirties, is riveting. I simply couldn't put this book down." Whitney Otto, author of How to Make an American Quilt
Review
"What an enjoyable and deeply satisfying novel. In You're Not You, Michelle Wildgen manages to capture, in some extraordinary way, what it's like to be a fairly ordinary college student, waiting for one's life to begin. Bec is a wonderfully complex heroine, and the nuances of her relations with the remarkable Kate are both vivid and suspenseful. This is an exhilarating debut." Margot Livesey, author of Banishing Verona
Review
"With You're Not You, Michelle Wildgen has produced an artful and slyly seductive debut novel about a caregiver in full thrall to her charge's steely hold on sensuality, taste, and grace." Helen Schulman, author of P.S.
Review
"Wildgen's first novel is an intriguing look at caregiving and the emotional risks and rewards that each person takes and receives." Library Journal
Review
"No cheap tear-jerker here, but a novel that tackles challenging material with honesty and a clear eye." Kirkus Reviews
Synopsis
Bec is adrift. It's the summer before her junior year in college. She's sleeping with a married professor, losing interest in her classes, and equivocating about her career. She takes a job caring for Kate, a thirty-six-year-old woman who has been immobilized by ALS.
As it turns out, before the disease Kate was a stylish and commanding woman, an advertising executive and an accomplished chef. Now, as she and Bec spend long days together, Bec begins to absorb Kate's sophistication and her sensuality, cooking for her, sharing her secrets, and gradually beginning to live her own life with a boldness informed by Kate's influence. The more intense her commitment to Kate, the further Bec strays from the complacency of her college life. And when Kate's marriage veers into dangerous territory, Bec will have to choose between the values of her old life and the allure of an entirely new one.
Synopsis
Bec is adrift. It's the summer before her junior year in college. She's sleeping with a married professor, losing interest in her classes, and equivocating about her career. She takes a job caring for Kate, a thirty-six-year-old woman who has been immobilized by ALS.
As it turns out, before the disease Kate was a stylish and commanding woman, an advertising executive and an accomplished chef. Now, as she and Bec spend long days together, Bec begins to absorb Kate's sophistication and her sensuality, cooking for her, sharing her secrets, and gradually beginning to live her own life with a boldness informed by Kate's influence. The more intense her commitment to Kate, the further Bec strays from the complacency of her college life. And when Kate's marriage veers into dangerous territory, Bec will have to choose between the values of her old life and the allure of an entirely new one.
Synopsis
Soon to be a major motion picture directed by George C. Wolfe, produced by Denise Di Novi and starring Hilary Swank, Josh Duhamel and Emmy RossumBec is adrift. It's the summer before her junior year in college. She's sleeping with a married professor, losing interest in her classes, and equivocating about her career. She takes a job caring for Kate, a thirty-six-year-old woman who has been immobilized by ALS.
As it turns out, before the disease Kate was a stylish and commanding woman, an advertising executive and an accomplished chef. Now, as she and Bec spend long days together, Bec begins to absorb Kate's sophistication and her sensuality, cooking for her, sharing her secrets, and gradually beginning to live her own life with a boldness informed by Kate's influence. The more intense her commitment to Kate, the further Bec strays from the complacency of her college life. And when Kate's marriage veers into dangerous territory, Bec will have to choose between the values of her old life and the allure of an entirely new one.
About the Author
Michelle Wildgen lives near New York City. Her writing appeared in Best American Food Writing 2004 and Best New American Voices 2004.
Reading Group Guide
Discussion Questions
1. On page 117, after Bec has added her own words to a conversation when shes supposed to be speaking only for Kate, Kate says to her, "This is me … Youre Not You right now." Why was this line chosen as the title? Why do you think Bec speaks up in this scene? How does Bec handle the dilemma in this novel of taking care of others versus taking care of herself?
2. On page 90, Bec, Kate and Evan are talking about religion. Bec says she was raised skeptical, whereas Kate says her family still calls her when theyre having prayer services for her, and asks if she wants to come. Do you think that religious upbringing played a role in how the two women ultimately came to think about illness and death, and the decisions they make in the story? Did your own religious background, or lack thereof, influence your experience of Kates death in the novel?
3. Much of the early bonding between Kate and Bec takes place over cooking and shopping and appreciating beautiful things. What role do class and economic status play in the novel? Would the story have turned out differently if Kate had been less well-off? Would the two women still have become close if Kate hadnt been so comfortable financially?
4. "Sometimes I looked at my face … and thought I was genuinely pretty. But for some reason I never did much to heighten or shape it—I found it preferable to believe I had a certain amount of raw material, if only I attended to it someday" (page 55). What does it say about Becs state of mind early in the story that she thinks about herself this way? By the end of the novel, shes wearing makeup occasionally. What do you think is the significance of this change? Is it a change for the better? How does it relate to Becs experiences with Kate?
5. Do you think Becs perception of Kate and Evans breakup affects her own relationship with Liam? Do you see any similarities between the two relationships?
6. Do you think Kates reaction to Evans affair with Cynthia is severe enough? Too severe? On page 119, Bec tells Jill, "I was picturing sort of a series of mature, world-weary one-nighters with divorcées … All very-up front. And I thought that was kind of okay." Do you agree that a series of casual affairs would be less hurtful in this situation than one sustained relationship? Are there circumstances in which the spouse of a disabled person should be allowed to have an affair, in which it would help the marriage survive?
7. Based on the events in the story, do you think its possible to guess the authors position on the issues of a persons right to die and assisted suicide? Do you agree with Becs decision to let Kate die?
8. How do Kate and Bec use humor to deal with a difficult situation? Were you ever surprised or troubled by the ways in which they make light of Kates illness?
9. Compare Becs two romantic relationships in the book, with Liam and with Mark. What do the differences between them say about how shes changed while working with Kate? How do you think being with Kate, and observing Kates relationships, influenced Becs decisions in the novel?
10. Look at the episode with the flower girl on pp. 211-214. Rather than adoring her or enjoying her company, Kate and Bec are both made uncomfortable by the little girls blind affection. Why do you think the author included this scene? What do you think it says about how these two women approach the world, and how does it relate to the way Kate conducts her other relationships?
11. One review of the novel described the authors style as "deeply sensual." The writing is full of descriptions of smells, tastes and physical sensation, and the emphasis on cooking and eating is unmistakable. How does this sensuality help the author to tell her story? What does it say about her approach to the emotional and ethical questions that underlie Kate and Becs relationship?
12. When Bec goes to visit Evan (pages 261-264) the two of them argue over their respective roles in Kates life, each seeming to resent the other for the roles they played in the end of Kates life. Do you think Bec is right to lash out at Evan? Based on his remarks, do you think she has misunderstood some aspects of his relationship to Kate?