These are changing times, and here is the new encyclopedia of manners to guide us confidently and correctly through the maze of lifestyles, customs, and ways of relating to others that hallmark this decade. Much of the information in this book is new, because many of the situations it discusses have not existed as social norms before.
Letitia Baldrige is uniquely qualified to offer this timely advice. Universally recognized as the country's leading authority on manners and social relationships, she has been hailed on the cover of Time magazine as "America's leading arbiter of manners" and is regularly celebrated for the same expertise in the media.
Ms. Baldrige's book provides authoritative answers to questions about manners no one has had to ask before. Among them, the protocol involved in all the new family relationships -- stepfamilies, adult children returning home, and elderly parents moving in; child visitation problems and other complications of divorce; the new codes concerning sex and dating and women taking the initiative romantically; and men and women traveling together on business. She provides unique counsel on rearing children to say "no" to drugs, alcohol, and other destructive temptations and to have the exemplary manners that lead to success.
The book is also a complete updated guide to everything you need to know to handle the traditional rites and passages of life in line with current thinking (much of which is different from that of the past). This includes detailed information on weddings, funerals, and religious ceremonies; entertaining any number of people -- from one to one thousand; today's table manners, table setting, and table service; etiquette at work; proper forms of address for these times; and everything you need to know to converse easily in person or on the telephone, to write appropriate letters and notes for every occasion, and much more.
These are real manners for real people in today's complex world. Letitia Baldrige calls them "manners from the heart," and if you have such manners, the world will be with you.
CONTENTS Acknowledgments
Manners from the Heart
PART 1
EVERYDAY MANNERS FOR OUR TIMES
MANNERS AT HOME
1
Your Manners with Those Close to You
In the Relationships That Grow Out of Marriage
With Your Mate
With Your Mother- and Father-in-Law
With Your Son and Daughter-in-Law or Daughter and Son-in-Law
With Roommates
With a Roommate of the Opposite Sex
With Those Who Work in Your House
The New Family Formation: Adults Living Together Harmoniously
An Adult Child Returns to the Nest
When a Parent Lives with You
The Family Forum
2
Rearing Great Children: The Manners They Need To Know
How a Child Learns to Distinguish Between Right and Wrong
The Example of His or Her Parents
Moral Lessons a Small Child Gleans from Parents Through Reading and Conversation
The Help That Religious Faith Can Give
Basic Behavior Rules Your Child of Ten or Older Should Know
The Basics
Teenagers Need a Few More Rules
Making the Rules Easier to Take
Your Role in Your Children's Relationships
With Siblings
With Adults
Parents Speak to Their Children About Sex
A Mother Speaks to Her Daughter
A Father Speaks to His Son
Guarding Your Child Against the Perils of Drugs and Alcohol
There Is No "Socially Acceptable" Use of Drugs
Drugs and the Vulnerable Teenager
The Kinds of Drugs Around Us
Teaching Your Young Child About Alcohol
Teenage Drinking
Where to Get Help
When Your Children Become Adults: Keeping Your Family Together
EVERYDAY MANNERS OUT IN THE WORLD
3
Making Friends in a Busy World
The First Step: Meeting People Who May Become Friends
Become Creative in Your Leisure Time
Solidifying a New Friendship
Making Friends at Work
Widening Your Horizons Through Volunteer Work
Choosing a Volunteer Activity
The Way to Get on a Nonprofit Agency Board
If Your Volunteer Motives Are Partly Social
4
Manners that Succeed at Work
Whether You're a Boss or Down in the Ranks
Commonsense Business Behavior That Can Advance Your Career
When You're New in the Office
To Be a Well-Liked, Successful Executive
Traveling with the Boss
5
The Manners that Make Travel Easier
Ensuring a Pleasurable Trip
Having a Good Time with a Traveling Companion
When You're Taking a Plane
Women and Travel
Men and Women Traveling Together on Business
A Woman Traveling Alone
Some Practical Advice
Dealing with a Travel Agent
A Wise Move for the Overseas Traveler
6
The Art of Tipping
General Guidelines on Tipping
At Restaurants
Valet Parking and Limousine Service
When You're Taking a Taxi
When You Are Staying in a Hotel or Motel
If You're a Weekend Guest in a Home with a Domestic Staff
When You're at the Hairdresser
When You Are in a Railroad Club Car
Tip the Fast-Food Deliverer
Holiday Tipping What an Affluent New York Divorcée Recently Gave in Holiday Tips
What a Young New York Career Woman Recently Gave in Holiday Tips
Tipping the People Who Serve You in Your Home
Holiday Tipping in Your Staffed Apartment House
When You Have Your Car in a Private Garage
Tipping and Travel Outside the Country
When You Take a Cruise
When You Are in a Foreign Country
7
Dressing Appropriately
Propriety and Appropriateness
At Church or Temple
The Right Thing to Wear -- Women
What You Wear to a Cocktail Party
What You Wear to a Black Tie Affair
What You Wear to a White Tie Affair
What You Wear to Someone's Private Club
Women at Their Offices
The Right Thing to Wear -- Men
Men's Fashion Disasters
Your Ties
Your Jewelry
What You Wear to a Black Tie Affair
What You Wear to a White Tie Affair
A Final Word of Advice
8
Common Courtesies
Courtesies Appropriate to Where You Are
On the Street as Pedestrian or Driver
On Public Transportation
At Movies and in the Theater
In the Supermarket
At the Beach or Camping
At a Pool
In Golf or Tennis Games
Courtesies to Observe with Those You Encounter During Your Day
Your Manners with the Expert Professionals Who Serve You
Your Manners with Waiters
Your Manners with Tradespeople and Salespeople
Your Manners with Strangers Encountered Along the Way
TABLE MANNERS THAT TAKE YOU ANYWHERE
9
The Right Thing to Do at Every Kind of Meal
Table Manner Basics
Body Language at Table
General Rules on Conduct at Table
Dilemmas at Mealtime
Mealtime Decorum
Saying Grace
When Do You Start Eating?
Serving Yourself from a Platter
Taking Modest Portions
Tasting Other People's Food
When You're on a Diet
If You Spill at Table
Using Your Flatware Properly
Napkin Etiquette
Finger Bowls
How to Handle Different -- and Sometimes Difficult -- Foods
Hors d' Oeuvres
Breads and Pastries
The Relish Tray
Appetizers
Meat
Fish
Lobster
Pasta
Vegetables That Are Difficult to Eat
Salad
Fresh Fruit Served at the End of a Meal
Informal Food
PART II
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT MANNERS THAT NO ONE HAD TO ASK BEFORE
10
New Manners for the New Society
Dating in the New Decade
Asking the Person for the Date
What Constitutes a Good Date
Who Pays for What on a Date and When and How
If You're Miserable on the Date
Give That Blind Date a Chance!
The New Manners Concerning Sex and Romantic Relationships
When the Answer Is "Yes"
When the Answer Is "No"
When a Woman Is Afraid to Be Alone with a Man
Bringing Up the Subject of Condoms
Safe Sex and Bisexuality
A Homosexual Relationship
What to Tell the Mate of Someone Who's Playing Around
Pleasures and Pitfalls of the Office Romance
When You Live Together as an Unmarried Couple
The Romance Is Over
PART III
THE RITES OF PASSAGE
11
Engagements: Sharing The Joyous News
Telling the World Your Good News
When Announcing Your Engagement Is Not Necessary
Newspaper Announcement of the Engagement
The Engagement Ring
Celebrating the Engagement
The Engagement Party
Engagement Presents
Showers: Feting the Bride-to-Be
Asking Someone to Marry You
When a Woman Does the Proposing
When Your Answer Is "No"
12
Weddings
Creating a Beautiful Wedding
Your Wedding Invitations
Who Receives Your Invitations?
The Various Ways of Inviting Guests to the Wedding
The Formal Traditional Wedding Invitation
Addressing and Mailing the Invitations
The Correct Wording on Wedding Invitations
The Etiquette of Names on Wedding Invitations
The Separate Reception Invitation Card
The Ceremony Card
Soliciting a Reply to an Invitation
"At Home" Cards
A Pew Card
Other Enclosures
Wedding Announcements
The Announcement Text
How Much Will It Cost and Who Will Pay?
First, the Budget
Paying for It
Planning for a Perfect Wedding Day
Choosing the Time for the Religious Ceremony
Choosing the Place for the Wedding Service
Options That Make for a Happy Day
Keep Track of Important Details with a Wedding Planner
Invitation List
The Wedding Party
The Wedding Ceremony
Reception Planner for a Large Wedding
Transportation Arrangements
Working with the Caterer
The Food at the Reception
Planning the Menu
The Presentation Is Important
The Wedding Cake
Flowers
Bridesmaids' Bouquets
Boutonnieres
Photography Requirements
The Bride's Portrait
The Candid Photographer
Music
Transportation
Wedding Attendants
The Bride's Attendants
The Groom's Atten